The 404 162: Where Michael Phelps can swim faster than we can run

On today's show: Heroic and controversial news from the 2008 Summer Olympics, Michael Phelps dominates the competition, Chinese gymnasts gettin' shady wit it.


On today's show: Heroic and controversial news from the 2008 Summer Olympics, Michael Phelps dominates the competition, Chinese gymnasts gettin' shady wit it, child abuse in the form of gymnastics training, the great bigfoot unveiling, Favre team traitor trading, Hawaii Five-0 remake, and submission from our 404 GoAnimate competition!

I know that we've talked almost nonstop about the Olympics this week, but we have to considering all the crazy controversy going on this year. I actually can't remember the last time I've heard so much news about the Olympics that didn't have to do directly with the events themselves! In all fairness, you have to give it up to Michael Phelps, though, the dude is crushing the competition this year, racking up five gold metal victories for the American swim team. He did the 200-meter butterfly (4 laps) in 1:52.03--that's just ridiculous. Someone check this kid for fins or webbed feet, anything! The guy is a beast, I'm about 90 percent sure that Phelps is moonlighting as the Mariner from Waterworld.


Unfortunately, we must report some bad news with the good. The 2008 Olympics aren't without controversy, and the latest one to surface is surrounding the Chinese gymnastics team. Now we all know that gymnasts are wee folk, and a compact figure works well in the sport for flexibility and strength in a small package, but there's an age requirement for the Olympics (16 years old). Judging by some of these pictures, I'd say that it's a tough call to make. Asian females always look much younger than they actually are, so combined with the fact that these are gymnasts, it makes it really hard to determine their age. Ages 16 and 14 are the most physically formative years anyway, so it's even more ambiguous. During the show, we also get into the fact that the age isn't as much of an issue as the way Chinese gymnasts are raised. This article describes the process as the "Chinese Gulag," replete with "children grimacing while being twisted into pretzels to improve their flexibility." Yikes, I thought my parents' forcing me to play piano for a few years was torture.

Believe it or not, we do actually get into more stories that don't have to do with the Olympics. First one is my personal favorite leap of faith about everyone's favorite fur ball bigfoot! Jeff and Wilson don't want to talk about this story because they're clearly afraid of the truth, but I press the issue and get into it, and they're going to be really sorry when they realize that they passed up the chance to reveal groundbreaking cryptic news. Two random dudes and an official "bigfoot researcher" will unveil a creature they claim to be bigfoot at a media conference this Friday in Palo Alto, Calif. They have DNA and photo evidence to back up their claim, and a picture of the creature frozen in a box is already leaked on the Internet, and judging from the pics, I'm buying it. I don't care what Jeff, Wilson, or any other hater says, it's got to be him. I'm tired of all these viral marketing ploys, but at the same time, I'm also still receptive to the idea that bigfoot actually exists. We've all seen dudes with super hairy backs and whatnot, why can't that same physical characteristic be applied to a half man, half monkey's entire body? Totally plausible.

We also get into many more news stories involving Brett Favre's Madden curse and subsequent team switcheroo, the new Hawaii Five-O remake, crotchety Tomb Raider girls, and the winners of the World Sauna Competition! Most importantly, I want to remind you guys about our ongoing contest to see who can make the funniest story about The 404 using the software at Go!Animate.com. The contest ends next Tuesday, August 19, so be sure to get your entries in as soon as possible. We've already received several submissions, and they've all been excellent so step your game up! Check out the current animation-to-beat: think you can do better? BRING IT!



EPISODE 162


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