You need a peculiar set of half-formed, skinny fingers to text on an iPhone.
And you need a peculiar set of strangely formed cranial connections to send and receive 303,398 texts on it in one month.
However, this is the claim of Crystal Wiski, a teen from Antelope in California's Sacramento County.
Her mother, Jackie, bought her the iPhone a month ago and young Crystal took to it like a duck to quacking.
Crystal told local NBC station KSBW: "I get cramps."
She then got the urge to explain the simplicity of her need to text so much: "I'm popular. I can't help it."
Well, indeed. I am sure that's how President Obama explains his attachment to his BlackBerry.
You might be saying to yourself at this point that no one can send seven texts a minute. Well, the fine folk at KSBW pointed their most excellent equipment in Crystal's direction and timed her. Those thumbs were made for talking. Rapid talking.
You might also be saying to yourself that Crystal must be a woeful student who is an awful drag on her mother's patience, time, sanity, and hairdresser.
Well, you might just need a crystal of whiskey or two when I tell you that she gets straight As, is about to graduate, and holds down a 40-hour-a-week job. (No, not at an Apple store. At McDonalds.)
What else can I tell you? Oh, yes, her mom invested in an unlimited texting plan.