Tarantino's cheerily crazy Japanese cell phone ad

You may need a little Xanax after observing this. Equally, you may never want to take any drugs ever again.

For Quentin Tarantino, he who makes movies that contain blood, gore, and many homages to Asia, recently shot a TV spot for the Japanese cell phone company Softbank.

As well as an astute grasp of Japanese, you need to have a very firm grasp of existential philosophy to fully appreciate this spot. Without an astute grasp of Japanese, I can tell you that this is the latest in a series of spots that features the White family.

Just to give you a sense of how this ad follows in the rambunctiously absurd tradition of much Japanese advertising, the regular members of the White Family are Me, a Softbank saleswoman, Older Brother, played by American actor Dante Carter, Mom, and Otousan, the talking dog who is, in fact, Dad. (Yes, I am entirely sober.)

I will leave you to create your own version of what is going on here. Though, to my untrained, pained eyes, the story seems to concern Tarantino, whose character is Uncle Tara-chan, and his parading a live dog as some kind of competition to Otousan, the plastic pooch who is, in fact, Dad.

The blond lady near the end of the spot appears to be playing Tara-chan's wife and, as so many wives of famous Americans these days, she doesn't appear happy with her husband. Though she is screaming down the phone rather than wielding a three-iron.

I have embedded the short and long versions of the ad, just because the long version doesn't seem to make the short version any more understandable. Several people made similar comments about Tarantino's "Kill Bill" series.

However, Brad Pitt has already appeared in Softbank spots, so one must suppose that the most understandable part of Tarantino's performance is the fee.