Look, here is something we all need: "high-definition" swim goggles, for $24. With these, you can either stalk your underwater prey (insert Jaws music here) or at least just prevent yourself from smacking into the sides of the pool because you can't see a darned thing.
Apparently, they've been tested for "comfort, visibility, fit, and adjustability," which means they probably break easily if you don't treat them absolutely right. They're fog-resistant, UV-protective (UV rays underwater? Guess you learn a new thing every day) and filter blue light so that your submarine vision isn't distorted. They also promise to not pop the poor little capillaries around your eyes with all that suction. With that lineup of features, I'm surprised there aren't built-in gills.
I'm sure I'll spot a pair of these at the indoor swimming pool at a gym I occasionally frequent in midtown Manhattan, probably strapped around the face of some Bateman-esque financial type who's trying to swim off the calories from that morning's "power lunch" on the company bill.
They're sold, natch, by Hammacher Schlemmer.