It would be wrong for me to say that this is something many in the tech world need.
But I'll say it anyway. When you have a reputation of not being the most gallant, charming, or fascinating of suitors, you have to fall back on the physical.
At least that's what my mom always told me.
So some no doubt elegant specimens from the UK's Northumbria University held hands in harmony to discover whether certain movements might help men dance more alluringly.
As The Washington Post reports, their conclusions will demand the sincere analysis of millions of men around the world.
For the way you shake your head, your neck, your arms (especially your right one), and, of course, your booty may be the difference between love and another night alone, shaking your fist in fury at your video game.
These scientists asked a number of men to dance and then built 3D models of their movements.
In an ingenious ploy, they then showed the movements to women and said: "So, do anything for you?"
The women were most moved by large motions of the neck and bottom. Moreover, if you want to get women to dance with you in a club, rather than club you when you dance, make many movements with your wrists and left shoulder.
A lot of jiggling with your right knee won't hurt either. Well, not until much later.
The complete research results (PDF) make for deep and emotional reading. Take the first sentence: "Male movements serve as courtship signals in many animal species, and may honestly reflect the genotypic and/or phenotypic quality of the individual."
Please be honest, after a couple of drinks in the club, don't you begin to bring forth your phenotypic qualities?
Male dancing, according to these researchers, is an example of "prenatal androgenization and symmetry."
If you follow the researchers' indications, you will discover something that perhaps you never knew -- should you be male, that is.
"Such movements may form honest signals of male quality in terms of health, vigor, or strength," say the researchers.
I would very much appreciate it if any males reading this would participate in a mass testing of these findings.
The reason I say that is because of the very last words of the researchers' summation: "This remains to be confirmed."