Twitter is the open mic at The Improv of the Internet, so unless you're a funny person who wants to be heckled, you might want to make your first tweet chuckle-worthy. To celebrate turning 8, Twitter on Thursday opened its archive, making it easy to look up anyone's first tweets. Yeah, we confess; we fell down the first-tweets rabbit hole fast. But at least you get to share in the adventure with a sample of our favorites funnies. See any we missed? Let us know in the comments.
I hope the 17 fans on my Geocities page follow me here.
-- Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 1, 2010
Yeesh, Ape-lad. Is it not enough that I blog?
-- John Hodgman (@hodgman) April 10, 2008
Say hello to my e-go!
-- Joe Mande (@JoeMande) October 16, 2009
is very grateful to be on twitter, as facebook has become way too academic.
-- John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 19, 2009
Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me.
-- Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) February 24, 2010
from now on I need to be referred to as ? ... thanks
-- braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) February 9, 2011
Good to finally be on twitter. It was quite a struggle overcoming my phobia of the @ symbol.
-- Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) September 14, 2011
Tom DeLay, you sir, are no Patrick Swayze.
-- Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) September 23, 2009
Criminal scum of Twitter beware. Your reign of banal comments and villainous musings ends tonight!
-- The Batman (@TheBatman) April 6, 2010
In the beginning, the blue rectangle was formless and empty. And I said, "Let there be text," and there was text; and I saw that it was gd.
-- God (@TheTweetOfGod) October 21, 2010