Here's what Samsung knows about you: You're embarrassed by your iPhone.
You hate to be seen with it in public. It makes you feel small, insignificant, and retrograde. If you're one of those people who bought a Nokia, HTC, or Motorola phone, then you too are infected with an inferiority complex that smacks of a desperate need for psychiatry. I'm extrapolating, of course. But only slightly.
In a new Samsung ad, we meet Lance. He is desperate to be part of the large-screen, largely cool Samsung clan. Somehow, though, he cannot quite make the move. He's like a man who's desperate to ask a girl on a date, but feels he's not good enough. Yes, some people feel they're not good enough for a Samsung.
Samsung, though, wants to make it easier for these weak souls. That's why the Korean electronics giant created the Samsung Experience Shop -- mini stores within US Best Buy and Best Buy mobile locations that let Samsung pitch its latest devices directly to consumers.
Presumably the psychology goes like this: You pretend you're going to Best Buy to get yourself a vacuum cleaner or washing machine. While you're there, you can slink up to the Samsung Experience Shop and bare your troubled soul.
"Am I worthy?" you will ask. "Will you have me?"
"Do you have money?" the nice lady in the shop will reply.
Samsung, the world's largest smartphone maker, has often tried to shame users of other phones -- especially Apple's iPhone -- by telling them that they're a retrograde bunch of decrepit has-beens. Now, though, Samsung just feels sorry for them.
Sadly, though, the Galaxy-maker is itself going through some suffering. Last month, Samsung posted a 25 percent drop in second-quarter operating profits, marking its third straight quarter of profit declines. One enterprising designer believes it's time for Samsung to entirely re-imagine its branding.
Will this new ad for Samsung Experience Shops bring hordes of the ashamed through Best Buy's doors?
I just tried to go to my local Best Buy to check out the mini shop for myself. Then I remembered that they've actually closed it down.