People use end of world to confess on Twitter
The #endoftheworldconfessions hashtag is trending beyond control, as people use the opportunity to confess their sins and secrets in light of today's Rapturous end of the world.
It might have slipped your mind, but the world is, or was, actually ending today.
I know, I know. You've been busy. But today is, or was, indeed, Judgment Day, at least according to an 89-year-old retired engineer called Harold Camping.
You might have guessed there'd be an engineer behind this optimistic prediction. However, you might not have guessed that humanity's fear would be so great that it would use Twitter as a last minute confessional.
On my TweetDeck the hashtag #endoftheworldconfessions is trending worldwide with a speed beyond too fast for a bionic eye.
One of the most popular tweets thus far comes from Doctor Swagger, who offered: "#EndofTheWorldConfessions....the world ain't ending son, my yogurt expires in 2013... #ThugLife."
Well, indeed. But if you focus on your TweetDeck as it rushes through the results, you will be mesmerized by some of the admissions you'll discover.
"Luke, I am your mother," tweeted one lady whose name I couldn't quite catch. Why on earth didn't she tell us before? She could have made some money out of that, and we might have had some closure.
And what do you imagine BiebsFan34 would have tweeted as her last and most painful confession? No, nothing to do with a Bieber-based, debased fantasy, but this: "I let the dogs out :( " Oh, it was HER. Although I suspect a few more people will be claiming responsibility for this fair deed.
"I was on the grassy knoll," admitted Kokonameth.
As my eyes have turned into Apple's little rainbow-colored wheel of mortality, I have espied a man who desperately wanted to marry Serena Williams, another who has been hiding Jimmy Hoffa, someone who claims to have found Waldo, and someone who wants to drink a girl's bathwater.
Then there was someone who shot the sheriff and the deputy, someone who told over a million lies, someone who wishes she'd become a prostitute, and many people who are desperately in love with people who are not their lovers.
After a while it became entirely mesmerizing.
There was someone who wished to confess he was amazing, someone who admitted she had two pairs of jeans from Sears (heinous, that), someone who confessed she didn't like Beyonce's new song, someone who quite cleverly pointed out that the world couldn't possibly end before Oprah's last show, and someone who hates her family so much she hopes the Rapture does happen.
Inevitably, there was someone who claimed to be Arnold Schwarzenegger's second love child, someone who claimed to run naked through his home town at night all covered in honey, and quite a few people who seem not frightened at all because they already have reserved a place for themselves in Heaven.
I am sure that this hashtag will trend on for the rest of the day--or even for the rest of time. Because, well, people tend to go on and on when they're having fun.
On balance, this Rapture thing does seem like frightful poppycock. But, just in case, might I confess that I didn't think it was frightful poppycock at all?