It is not easy being Paris Hilton. You have to spend so much of your time focused on the "being Paris Hilton" part that it leaves very little time for much else. Like considering the state of the nation. Or remembering what pictures you tweeted a month ago.
My fingers flicker with sympathy because Hilton seems to have got herself into a slight pickle. A slight pickle that might be less slight than her much-loved sex video.
An SUV in which she was accompanied by her boyfriend was stopped Friday in Las Vegas when police reportedly detected the niff of pot. The police also reported finding 0.8 gram of cocaine in a purse.
Hilton reportedly explained that while some of the rather fetching Chanel purse's contents were indeed purchased with the intent of assisting her well-being--her asthma medication, for example--neither the purse, nor the illegal powder in fact belonged to her. She had reportedly borrowed the purse from a girlfriend.
Were I a policeman, I would have bowed as gracefully as I could, asked if I could just hold the bag one last time and bid her goodnight. However, the dedicated followers at RadarOnline have revealed a remarkable coincidence that might turn into an awkward little problem.
You see, at 1.48 p.m. on July 15, Hilton availed herself of Twitter to inform her more than 2.5 million followers: "Love My New Chanel Purse I got Today.:)" She conveniently added a Twitpic of this remarkable, lovable, valuable piece.
This beautiful purse with its interlocking C's and its sheer shimmering Chanelness seems to bear an inconvenient resemblance to the purse that she had with her that fateful night in Vegas. You remember, the one that she reportedly told the police she had borrowed from a friend.
Who is to say that her friend was not the owner of the very same Chanel masterpiece? Designer bags are like reproductions of paintings. The creators spread a few of them around, as it would seem entirely cruel if their beauty was confined to just one person.
One can only hope that Hilton is not herself subsequently confined to a period of incarceration as the charges she may face seem to be felonious and carry a sentence of up to four years in Ann Taylor. I am sorry, I mean four years with a hairy jailer.
I know you will be all praying that a simple explanation will be offered for this apparent coincidence. But perhaps you will all be more careful while social networking in future. Every day seems to bring another example of a status update or a tweet bringing pain to those who march in tune with Mark Zuckerberg's pied piping and share something of their inner selves.
We seem to be entering an era in which everything that we put online, however much we do it in order to inspire our fellow person, ends up being defined by just one word: evidence.