President Obama and Ellen DeGeneres have both been recently promoted to sales associate.
The president is doing all he can to get as many young people to commit to his health care initiative, so that there's enough money to pay for those whose bodies are entering disrepair.
Ellen, on the other hand, turned presenting the Oscars into the opening of a Samsung store.
It was inevitable, then, that when the two met on her show, she would first mention the selfie she took with a number of famous stars -- the one that broke the retweet record held until then by the president himself.
"I thought it was a pretty cheap stunt myself," mused the president.
In a sense, he's right.
Samsung donated more than $3 million to charity after the selfie. This was in addition to the alleged $20 million it paid for its involvement in the Oscars.
If this had been a scripted, scheduled ad, such money would have barely covered the travel expenses of Ellen herself, Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, and all the other stars who mugged for Samsung.
The president is currently enduring a tense relationship with the millennial community whose money he so needs by March 31.
The NSA's attempts at being as efficient as Google in screening every piece of communication seems to have rattled some, who feel it's taking the government's commitment to transparency a little too far.
Still, the president used the Ellen opportunity to get moms to persuade their kids to sign up for Obamacare.
He said that kids in their first or second jobs might not get health insurance given to them by employers, so this was an ideal opportunity to sign up.
He insisted that the Healthcare.gov Web site "now works the way it's supposed to." As opposed to the way a 1990s car dealer Web site was supposed to.
Five million people have signed up. I wonder how many would have signed up if the site had worked at the beginning and all the stars in Ellen's selfie had shilled relentlessly for the cause. (Oddly, many are now doing so in this final push.)
Selling. It's a dirty business. That's why having some stars on your side helps.