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Now will you shut up and let me eat my tofu and bean sprout wrap?

Apple to give $100 store credit to iPhone early adopters.

The Macalope
Born of the earth, forged in fire, the Macalope was branded "nonstandard" and "proprietary" by the IT world and considered a freak of nature. Part man, part Mac, and part antelope, the Macalope set forth on a quest to save his beloved platform. Long-eclipsed by his more prodigious cousin, the jackalope (they breed like rabbits, you know), the Macalope's time has come. Apple news and rumormonger extraordinaire, the Macalope provides a uniquely polymorphic approach. Disclosure.
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The Macalope

Steve Jobs:

Therefore, we have decided to offer every iPhone customer who purchased an iPhone from either Apple or AT&T, and who is not receiving a rebate or any other consideration, a $100 store credit towards the purchase of any product at an Apple Retail Store or the Apple Online Store.

Even this probably won't satisfy some people (you know who you are!), but the Macalope at least is well pleased and considers the matter closed.

Now leave Steve alone so he can finish his lunch.