New Nokia ad teaches how to assault iPhone, Galaxy owners

There are so many things in life that render your feelings inert.

So, whatever your telephonic persuasion, I defy you to feel nothing on watching this work of (martial) art from Nokia.

Its apparent purpose is to help those who worry about taking the perfect photograph with their cell phones. It shows how to fight your way to the perfect camera position, in a revolutionary manner.

Please welcome the new martial art of Taekfoto.

Its master, Rez-Tu-Lo, explains: "You will have the moves you need to fight your way to the front row."

It is well-known that those who own the more showy Apples and Samsungs always throng as near to the front of everything as possible. They need to be seen. Moreover, the suggestion is that their cameras are somewhat imperfect.

So here, Rez-Tu-Lo, clutching a cell phone, shows moves that will guarantee success.

He demonstrates how to leap on the back of a larger human and shoot over his shoulder. He demonstrates a hip-check that shoves your opponent out of the way.

All you need to master the technique is 250 lessons.

The one lesson you are supposed to take away is that you don't need this martial art, if you are in possession of a Nokia Lumia 1020.

As a recent Nokia ad explained, you can quite happily sit in the back row of a school performance, because the Lumia's camera is so very exalted.

You can watch the big brand bores make fools of themselves, while you smugly sit back.

Those with an eye for detail will notice that Rez-Tu-Lo bears a remarkable resemblance to a man who sat in a car in a recent ad launching the Lumia 1020. (I have embedded it as a memory-jogger below.)

At the time, suspicions were strong that he represented a Samsung spy. Now, Nokia's United Arab Emirates arm, which produced both works, links to this new Taekfoto ad from the previous one, to confirm that he was, in fact, Rez-Tu-Lo.

I understand that the whole of Dubai (and, hopefully, the world) is enthralled by this remarkable twist.

One extremely talented local creative told me: "I can confirm that all Dubai is agog, waiting for how this story arc will unfold. My bet is that a horde of Nokia Ninjas (Nokinjas?) break into Rez-Tu-Lo's dojo to free his poor beleaguered students. Unless they develop Stockholm Syndrome and insist on making it through all 250 lessons."

I fear that, after this new ad, there is not one human being who can accurately predict where this story might go next.

My own guess is that episode three will occur in Redmond, where an ex-Nokia executive shows his Taekfoto moves in order to get the top job.