They'll try anything to get you to pay attention during the Super Bowl.
It's as if all the lady guests in "The Bachelor" house started screaming at once.
Kia, conscious of the difficulty in twinning the concepts of "Kia" and "luxury," has reached into the Matrix to find its voice.
And by "voice," I mean Laurence Fishburne -- Morpheus himself -- singing opera.
Oddly, the choice of aria is "Nessun Dorma" from "Turandot" rather than something from "Morpheus and Eurydice."
Still, before he bursts into song, he tries to tempt a gorgeous 1 percent couple into making a difficult choice.
"Who is this strange valet in a long leather coat?" they must be thinking. Morpheus offers them a red key and a blue key, while saying that if they choose red: "You'll never look at luxury the same way again."
Some might wonder whether this is a subliminal message in support of certain 1-percenters who want all government regulation to be abolished. But then they'll remember the choice Morpheus offers in the movie.
In the movie, it's the red pill that sends Neo into a world of truth. It's not always a luxurious truth, though. The quote about the red pill is: "You stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
No matter, why would the couple even talk to this weirdo? He looks so menacing that you'd think these people might think less about looking at luxury than wondering whether they'll look at tomorrow.
But they go along for the ride because, well, this is a Super Bowl ad and that's what you do.
And the Kia K900 is a fetching machine.
Soon, the couple's fear takes a back seat. They are enchanted by the sheer unreality of the car. How could this be a Kia? How indeed?
Then reality departs, to reveal that we are, in fact, in a veritable, rabbit-hole free Wonderland.