Tweets can hold a million mysteries. At least, sometimes.
Please, therefore, use your finest interpretive skills to decide the true emotions behind a series of tweets sent by the doyenne of proud houses, Martha Stewart.
She took to her Twitter account Wednesday to bemoan.
I believe the answer is: "You take it."
This wasn't, perhaps, the answer that Stewart was hoping for.
She continued: "I am still waiting for an apple rep to come pick up my IPad. No action yey."
I am not sure whether Stewart's people had contacted Apple's people at this point. Perhaps they had asked for someone from Apple to come and collect the precious tablet.
Five hours later, another tweet emerged from Stewart: "Maybe I have had a good entrepreneurial idea? Apple Now? Like same day delivery from Amazon? I think I am on to something. Same day fixit!!!"
That is, indeed, genius. Perhaps one could call it the Genius Barhop.
I fear, though, that despite this fine thinking, Apple still didn't rush a blue-poloed employee to pick up Stewart's iPad.
Another five hours passed before Stewart again took to Twitter: "So is it time to put out the fires and admit I was just pissed off at the fact my precious ipad shattered and I wanted to make light of it??"
It's not clear where the fires were burning, but the heat was clearly getting to her.
Three hours later, she elucidated some more. This time, the temperature had risen again: "i cannot believe that Apple Public Relations is mad at me for tweeting about my Ipad and how to get it fixed! steve jobs gave it to me!"
One can conclude, therefore, that Apple's PR people weren't cool about Stewart's tweets. Even when told that this iPad was a historical artifact.
Immediately, she added: "wish i could explain everything here on twitter about the broken IPad, the stolen IPhone, the silly joke about repairs and my frustration!"
I wish she could, too. The explanations that currently float about my mind aren't too flattering. They involve words like "self-important," "diva," and "whiskey."
Her next tweet didn't help: "but it is impossible so i will deal with it all silently and hope that apple will fix everything so i can function again with proper tools."
Silence did, in fact, reign for a short while.
But Friday morning, there were more tweets.
The first: "Let's now talk turkey: Ipads addictive,awesome,expensive. Glass should /could be unbreakable. That the iPad works with cracked corners-great."
The next: "But the cracked glass is sharp and can cut. I was just upset that I(someone)was clumsy and let the iPad fall out of the car. To fix is time."
Stewart called into The Today Show on Friday morning to insist she wasn't feuding with Apple. She claimed that she knows Apple doesn't make house calls. "I've been in Apple stores," she said.
It is time for you to fix your own views of what might have happened here.
I fear that one conclusion about the sad breakage and non-repair of the iPad given to Martha Stewart by Steve Jobs might be reached by some: Martha Stewart isn't like you and me.
She is something else.