Man says he got stolen iPhone back by seducing thief
Nadav Nirenberg says he has his iPhone stolen. The thief allegedly begins to use the OKCupid dating site on the phone. So Nirenberg contacts him on the site, pretending to be a very attractive woman.
This rule applies in business, just as it does in love: when someone does you wrong, find their weak spot.
This is something that 27-year-old Nadav Nirenberg of Park Slope in Brooklyn apparently understands so well. Or at least his crazy story suggests he does.
As the New York Post tells it tells it, you see, he left his iPhone 4 in a cab on New Year's Eve. 2013 was still in its infancy when he supposedly learned that someone was using the phone to find dates.
How did he know? OKCupid began to send him alerts. So he logged on to the site and saw that he had apparently sent messages to girls -- when he knew he hadn't.
Men, though, are weak. Flatter them and their knees go weak, their tongues emerge, and their brains function according to highly unscientific principles.
So, according to the Post, Nirenberg created a female profile, with a picture of an alluring lady, and set about seducing, well, himself.
The thief was supposedly actually using Nirenberg's picture.
Clearly, when he took one look at the lady who had approached him online, he was smitten.
A meeting was arranged at Nirenberg's house, according to the Post. Loins were girded. Lips salivated.
Until, that is, the thief arrived and encountered Nirenberg with a hammer.
"He was ready for a date," Nirenberg told the Post. He was referring to the thief's fragrance, of course. Well, and the bottle of wine he was clutching.
Nirenberg seems particularly proud of his ability as an online female impersonator.
"I used lots of winks and smiley faces so I would seem like a girl," he said. Is that what girls do? I didn't know.
Nirenberg is an artist at heart. Why, he plays the trombone in a punk band called Streetlight Manifesto, which ironically has a new release called "The Hands That Thieve," which made us wonder if this whole story might be a creative PR stunt. We contacted Nirenberg to share our suspicions and he reassured us that we needn't be so skeptical.
"Haha. I admit the coincidence," he said, adding that the New York Post thoroughly fact-checked his story and an upcoming segment on "Good Morning America" will have more details.
He says he gave the thief $20 for his trouble and the "date" lasted 20 seconds.
Oh, Nadav, some of us have had dates that were even shorter than that.
Update, 5:10 p.m. PT: We heard back from Nirenberg and added a comment.