Man arrested for allegedly threatening to shoot iPhone
In a Cincinnati area Apple store, a man expresses frustration with his iPhone. He then allegedly brandishes a 9mm handgun to a store employee and says he could shoot the offending gadget.
We all express frustration with our electronica in different ways.
Some shout at Comcast cable boxes that refuse to delete recorded shows, leaving no room for new ones.
Others smack their microwaves when, commanded to heat some old spaghetti bolognese, they get stuck with 45 seconds to go.
But few are those who threaten to blast their gadget and actually mean it.
Which makes one wonder what thoughts might have been brewing at the Kenwood Towne Centre Apple store in Cincinnati on Thursday.
According to WCPO9 (which is a Cincinnati TV station rather than C-3PO's illicit lover), Donald Goodrich, 38, wafted into this very Apple store. His cup appears not to have been overflowing with joy for his iPhone.
Court papers do not seem to be specific as to what element might have been malfunctioning on his 115.5mm-long gadget. However, they do allege that Goodrich told an Apple store employee that he was "so mad, I could pop a 9mm at it."
I am not sure how many people are so intimidated by the Apple store's graphic perfection and preternatural youthfulness that they actually take an extra 9mm with them.
However, the allegation is not merely that Goodrich told the employee that he would, indeed, blast his iPhone. For he is accused of revealing that he happened to have the perfect little weapon behind the right side of his shirt. (Strangely, it was a black shirt.)
You will perhaps experience a sense of stunned discomfort when I tell you that Goodrich has, indeed, been charged with aggravated menacing and causing fear of harm to an Apple employee.
Oh, as well as something of a concealed weapons violation. You see, he had a concealed weapons permit, but omitted to mention to the arresting deputy that he actually had the gun on his person, according to WCPO9. A frustrating iPhone can sometimes affect one's memory.
If your iPhone is causing you difficulties, don't smoke it, stroke it. Or take it to an Apple store where a genius will offer counseling.
Taking a gun to a gadget is like taking a blow-up doll to a dinner party. It doesn't reflect well on you at all.