Love me by text message, not on Facebook
Research suggests that public declarations of love on Facebook or Twitter are largely not welcomed by objects of affection -- 78 percent would prefer a text.
As one who last professed true love in the previous century, it's hard for me to understand why people post cute, cuddly messages about their nearest and most expensive on Facebook.
You know the sort of thing: "My gorgeous wife just bought me a red toothbrush." Or: "My new boyfriend's smile makes my heart sing like Engelbert Humperdinck."
It's hardly: "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight."
Still, I assumed that in the world of openness and connectedness, these love postings were de rigueur.
And yet research from dating site Zoosk appears to suggest that the objects of these messages don't like them at all.
I am lovingly grateful to the Social Times for directing me to this startling discovery.
For this research shows that 78 percent of people would rather get a private, intimate love text than a public love posting on Facebook or Twitter.
It appears from these numbers that people's greatest concern is the reaction of co-workers who might see these postings.
This I can entirely understand. I once sent flowers to the girl of my moment. She was, quite naturally, angry. For I had sent them to her office.
"Why did you do this?" she exclaimed (in a text, of course). "They attract attention to me. Everyone comes over to ask who they're from."
Yes, life is hard in corporate America. Your climb up the grubby, greasy ladder is slippier than mud wrestling (especially if you're at the bottom), so, please, let's cut out the public romance.
It seems that 64 percent are happy for their true friends to see their romantic postings. There is a divide, though, between the sexes about how enjoyable romantic Facebook and Twitter postings really are.
Just more than half, 51 percent, of women rather enjoy reading them, while only 37 percent of men are moved in a positive direction.
Still, 38 percent of people say they wouldn't dare ever, not ever, to post anything romantic that anyone else might espy.
It's a tricky line to navigate. Mark Zuckerberg wants you to share and share alike, so that he can actually find a way to make money from your a-liking.
And yet the world is such that the mere expression of love can get you into water that is hotter than the Devil's armpit.
It used to be that it was all so simple then, but technology has rewritten every line.