Activision is launching "Call of Duty: Black Ops" November 9. So it needs everyone to get very worked up about the idea of a new way to shoot the living daylights out of those who occasionally enjoy the sight of living daylight.
And when I say "everyone," I mean every concierge, every mystery meat salesman, every businesswoman, every Best Buy salesperson, every sportsman, and every comedian. Well, they're everymen too, you know.
So please rejoice in the sight of Kobe Bryant (reportedly a deeply committed "Call of Duty" player) appearing as if he's wafting along the streets of Baghdad looking for a little action. And look, there's Jimmy Kimmel, grabbing a grenade launcher and falling over backward with laughter. Your laughter, that is.
Many will find this spot so charming because it glorifies fabulously indiscriminate violence in a beautifully stylized manner. It captures the hungry eyes of soldier-gamers who suddenly find themselves clutching real weapons as opposed to the anodyne consoles with which they normally have to satisfy themselves.
Who cannot be hypnotized by the sight of the lady with the glasses and the puffy purple sleeves? She seems to reach some considerable level of excitement on grasping her gun and raiding a little house which was, no doubt, full of bad, or at least troublingly incomprehensible, people. Or recalcitrant customers of Best Buy, perhaps.
And in the middle of it all is Bryant, he whose jersey remains the top seller in the NBA. Feel his ecstasy as he wears his red Nike T-shirt, clutches a very large black gun with "Mamba" written on it (Kobe calls himself "The Black Mamba"), and shoots at some unknown target. No, I don't think it's Shaq.
Once this launch ad for a game rated M for Mature is done, some might experience one particularly mature thought: it's just so boring being a concierge, working at Best Buy, sitting in meetings in a tight pencil skirt, or slogging through Philadelphia on the way to complete the 82 deadly dull games that comprise the regular NBA season.
Not when you can shoot, shoot, shoot your way through the day. Oh, did I fail to mention that everyone in this spot was shooting real guns? Not that it matters.
As the ad says, there is a soldier in all of us. Yes, indeed. Even in the kids. Even in the little kids.