I must have heard more rumors about Apple's purported, supposed, about-to-go-into-production-maybe watch than about JLo's latest (or last) lover.
So this one ought to be treated with the usual asbestos gloves and long grilling tongs.
However, word has it that Kobe Bryant, he of the gimpy body and the Los Angeles Lakers, is one of several athletes who have been testing Apple's new gizmo.
The idea, as 9to5Mac has it, is that Kobe -- as well as the Los Angeles Kings' Dustin Brown and someone from the Boston Red Sox (does Big Papi really want to be Little Papi?) -- have been putting the new device to work in professional training environments.
Naturally, this rumor is supported by the evidence that Bryant, where he reportedly met with Head of Design Jony Ive.
They can scarcely have been discussing the merits of the triangle offense, can they?
Some insist that. The reason for this, as far as I understand it, is that we're all obsessed with ourselves to such a degree that we need to be fully aware of our pulse rate, hydration levels, and state of our pulmonary capabilities so that we can tweet them to the world.
The Wall Street Journal reported on Friday that the new device will have 10 sensors that will monitor all our vitals. It also suggested it will come in multiple screen sizes, presumably so that little people will have their own perfect fit and look as they run themselves silly along the streets.
I have a feeling, though, that the real difficulty with this is the element of swift boredom. People might enjoy examining themselves at first but then revert to Snapchatting, playing video games, or posting rude comments on the Internet.
However, if Kobe somehow proves that an iWatch improves his performance in the coming NBA season, then perhaps we'll all believe in miracles.
The aging star is surely past his prime -- and past playing with Shaq.
On the other hand, if an iWatch could help the Golden State Warriors' Stephen Curry shoot 70 percent from three-point range, I will rush out and buy one immediately.