How to spot an Apple spy at CES 2012

There are, reportedly, 250 spies from Apple lurking in the halls of CES. How can one know who they are?

LAS VEGAS --Being fond of movies in which people aren't what they seem, I was moved to hear that there are spies at CES 2012.

I had already been suspicious, as--being one who stares at people's names and companies on their badges--I saw more than one person yesterday whose employer was "U.S. Government."

However, there is allegedly a whole troop of spies out here, sniffing around everything: employees of Apple.

Paid Content, for example, bumped into Apple's Head of iOS marketing Greg Joswiak yesterday. He allegedly sported a "sheepish grin."

They're out there. Somewhere. CC Anonymous9000/Flickr

I have never considered sheep to grin at all, nor have I considered Apple to ever follow everyone else. I chose, though, to believe that this was just one man, wanting to have a little fun in Vegas.

But then Gizmodo unearthed the shattering information that there are, in fact, 250 Apple spies in this here fleshpot.

So I went out early this morning in search of such people. I fancied that few of them would have "Apple" written on their badges. Surely none of them would be wearing black turtlenecks.

I tried to think like a counterspy. What would these spies do in order to maintain their cover?

Perhaps they'd dress badly. But there are so many people here who are clothed from Hell's Last Shopping Mall that how could one differentiate one from another? There are so many gray jackets, so many chinos, so much ill-fitting leather.

I settled, in the end, for the idea that Apple's spies are all here under false names. So I took even greater care to stare down at the names on people's badges in order to find obvious clues.

I think I found one quite quickly. There was a lady, idly standing by, minding her own business. Her badge said she was from Verizon Wireless. Her name? Sandra Bullock.

Come now, Apple. You think I couldn't see through that?

Then a man rushed by and I think I caught all of his name: Too Kurt. Surely this was an Apple name. Surely this was a sly, wry reference to Steve Jobs' manner on occasion.

Still, after more than an hour I felt disheartened. I had 248 still to locate. These people are good. These people know how to keep information under wraps. Of course they do. They work at Apple.

Despondent, I slunk away. My attention, though, was suddenly captured by a lanky man ambling swiftly toward me. Nothing was particularly descriptive about him. Did he have an ill-fitting leather jacket? Was he wearing chinos? I have no idea.

He was walking very quickly. He clearly had somewhere important to be. I only caught the name on his badge.

Ryan Spies.

 

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