Hey, flabby iPhone users, get your FaceTime face-lift
One of the huge drawbacks of Apple's FaceTime is, well, how your face looks. So an enterprising plastic surgeon creates a special procedure for those who FaceTime regularly.
The iPhone is, primarily, a mirror to your soul.
Some people, though, see it as a mirror to their face. Which is, no doubt, why a sensitively enterprising plastic surgeon has created a special procedure so that you can look more attractive while you're on FaceTime.
I can feel your face wrinkling already, but perhaps you are one of the world's facially confident.
Dr. Robert Sigal of the Austin-Weston Center for Cosmetic Surgery in Virginia, on the other hand, knows just how vast a problem FaceTime self-consciousness truly is.
"It came from my wife," he explained in a YouTube video promoting his FaceTime face-lift.
"She didn't like the way she looked when she talked on her iPhone," Dr. Sigal continued, shortly before revealing ungallantly that his wife is 50.
It cannot be easy being married to a plastic surgeon. The word "look" must take on such a vast depth of meaning that Mrs. Sigal surely feels the scrutiny of a thousand eyeballs every time she appears in public.
The problem with FaceTime, you see, is that you tend to hold your phone below you. This increases the focus on your chin area. Not everyone enjoys a beautiful chin area.
And so Dr. Sigal created what might be termed chin music. Because I know some of you like to get technical, the procedure is so terribly clever because it ensures that the incision point is behind your ears, a place where your FaceTime partner won't be able to look. Unless you really want them to.
Dr. Sigal maintains that the traditional incision beneath the chin is only ever seen by "lovers and dogs and neither one of them cares." Sadly, lovers and dogs lie, even when sleeping.
Even before Dr. Sigal's fine innovation, FaceTime users have been inventing techniques to hide their flabby facial parts. According to CNBC, the current predilection of the facially sensitive is to point the camera straight on and keep their chin out of sight.
Apparently this technique was first perfected on something called television by a man named Larry King.
Some might consider that Dr. Sigal himself doesn't look entirely wrinkle-free.
However, I am sure this new technique will only make him more money, as people increasingly choose to talk to each other through gadgets with fine lenses and not in dark bars with fine tequilas.