Half of relationships contain Netflix adulterers

Faithlessness is easy to find in Netflix relationships. The majority secretly watch or would watch TV shows earlier than their partner. Even though they promised they wouldn't.

And there ended a beautiful love. Netflix/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

It has been established many times that relationships are complicated.

You can be dating a self-described humanitarian who ends up treating you like a farm animal. You can believe that your liaison is anything but dangerous, and then you discover a casual faithlessness that assaults your craw.

This seems to happen even in the case of Netflix use.

If you really love the one you're with, you'll wait to watch a TV show that's in your Netflix queue, so that you can watch it curled up in beautiful unison.

Research from Netflix suggests, however, that more than half of relationships might contain someone who doesn't love the one they're with.

As New York magazine reports, the company cast an eye and an ear toward 2,000 of its members and discovered that they are untrustworthy hounds.

Fifty-one percent of those in relationships declared -- with nary a pang of conscience -- that they had performed or would perform adulterous Netflix acts.

Perhaps you are one of these people. Perhaps you watch "Game of Thrones" for the second time with your lover and are still able to fake surprise, anguish, and excitement at its various scenes.

Perhaps you are one of the alleged 21 percent who claim to commit Netflix adultery in bed -- while their lover is asleep next to them.

Personally, I believe this sort of behavior deserves jail, waterboarding, or extradition -- or all three.

How can you look your lover in the face the next morning when he or she asks: "How late did you stay up last night? Were you watching TV?"

Can you not see that this is merely a slippery slope toward the dissolution of trust?

Before you know it, your lover will look you in eye, experience an uncomfortable feeling, and then break into your e-mail to discover you've already discussed your favorite show with your jailbird friend Bert.

The next two stages are very predictable: revenge and then divorce.

Ted Sarandos, Netflix's chief content officer, told New York magazine: "Netflix can't be held responsible for any trust issues, lovers' spats, or marital troubles that arise from watching ahead of your partner. We also will not cover any therapy sessions. As always, we advise to Watch Responsibly."

This is patently false.

If Netflix truly cared about society's parlous state, it would allow a code to be placed inside its stream so that the minute a show is screened for the second time, the word "Cheater" would appear in large, pink letters on the screen.

Moreover, once the relationship has dissolved, the name of the adulterer should be permanently on a list of the Netflix Unfaithful, just so that future lovers will know what they could be letting themselves in for.

There is nothing worse than casual betrayal. And there is one method that has proved often to be very effective in assuaging hurt feelings: public shaming.

 

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