Great news! You might have to buy all new Apple accessories

The allegedly confirmed rumors that Apple will change the specification of all its connectors has some fanboys fulminating. But truly, they should be delighted.

Farewell, old (very old) friend? Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Those who live in Apple world surely know why they love it.

Everything is so well thought out, so full of wit, wisdom, and whimsy that every little thing these people do -- as Sting himself can assert -- is magic.

Somehow, then, it is strange that there is a rending of garments and a foaming of mouths at the notion that Apple might change the design of all its connectors for the launch of the iPhone 5.

Rumors, supposedly confirmed by many forms of bush telegraph, say that the 30 pins of silver will be reduced to 19.

This will "surely send shocks through the iPhone accessory ecosystem," said TechCrunch.

Yes, it might make it harder for the nefarious to make unlicensed connectors, but Fox News wonders whether this will mean doom for all your current iPhone accessories.

It quotes Robert Scoble as saying, "Unfortunately these design goals mean making obsolete the something like 10 power chargers in my home. Sigh."

Yes, let's all hold hands and sigh. With wonder, gratitude, and joy.

All those iPhone accessories were really looking so very 2009. They had become so ubiquitous and, well, soiled, that using them on yet another pristine Apple gadget would surely have been like wearing cargo shorts to the Vatican.

Living in AppleVille means bathing in the latest design, not slumping on the sofa you bought 3 years ago. It means being reassuringly demonstrative, not embarrassingly grimy.

Apple's cables are white not merely because they express a certain cleanliness of design, a certain sense of reverence. They are white because white says new, the latest, the most refined, never touched, never defiled. Have you ever been to a wedding?

Oh, new accessories might cost you money. But everything does, even love. Especially love.

So please, this is no time for bottom-puckering. This is no time for lip-sagging and mouth-pouting.

This is a time to rejoice that even the smallest connection between our meager, crude power system and our refined, beloved ego machines will now be made by something new, more gracious, more thoughtful, and more beautiful than the previous new, gracious, thoughtful, beautiful connector.

A new 19-pin connector would be morning in America. It would be a wake-up for the world. This is no time for mourning. This is the equivalent of a spot bonus.

 

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