Here's a thought that might numb more than just your fingers.
About 250,000 people entered the LG National Texting Championship, which concluded Tuesday. Yes, a quarter of a million people wanted to prove that they could text faster, more accurately, and ignore more distractions. Like insulting emoticons.
The winner, you will find it difficult to accept, was a 15-year-old girl. Her name is Kate Moore. She is from Iowa. And amid her boundless joy, she told the Associated Press: "Let your kid text during dinner! Let your kid text during school! It pays off."
Kate battled through rounds of texting while blindfolded, while being distracted by an actor dressed as an emoticon, while playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata and simultaneously picking her nose.
Yes, I only made up the last one.
Indeed, according to CNN, the forlorn girl who came in fourth, Jordan Rowe, failed to accurately text "which wicked witch wished which more wicked witch in the well?" while having to listen to an actor dressed as an emoticon talk trash about her sister.
How did the emoticon even know she had a sister? Why would an emoticon talk trash? Why would an emoticon talk at all?
There are so many questions. But because I know many of you worship competition, you will want to know what fine texting dexterity brought Moore to digital nirvana.
Well, it all came down to a tiebreaker in the best of three final. And the two (girls, surprisingly) in the final round had to text: "Zippity Dooo Dahh Zippity Ayy...MY oh MY, what a wonderful day! Plenty of sunshine Comin' my way....Zippitty Do Dah Zippity Aay! WondeRful Feeling Wonderful day!"
You will want to let those closest to you know that Moore told CNN she sends somewhere around 500 texts a day. And that she won $50,000 for her troubles. And that she cried.
Oh, Moore also said she's a good student and terribly sociable.
However, I am still extremely concerned about what kind of mean-spirited, insensitive souls would allow for a trash-talking emoticon. It could ruin a girl's tornado-like texting ability for life.