Amusing Amazon reviews are an art form. They are delicate flowers of funny that need to be carefully nurtured in order to strike the right balance between absurdity, plausibility, and humor.
George Takei, known as Mr. Sulu on "Star Trek" and Mr. Internet anywhere social media resides, has the magic formula down.
Only slight sleuthing is needed to determine that the "George Takei" leaving reviews on Amazon is the real deal. He also cross-posts them to his official Facebook page. So far, he's only racked up six reviews, but they're good ones. He has tackled products as diverse as the "Best of David Hasselhoff" CD to the Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable.
Takei's most recent review covers the Accoutrements Yodeling Pickle, a toy pickle that yodels. He gives it one star and advises customers to stick with a bong instead. "On my birthday (4/20), I found this cute little green item on my dresser. I assumed Brad had left it for me as a 'special' birthday gift. I tried for hours to figure out how to pry off the lid so I could load it properly, but no go. Then the thing started yodeling at me, and I thought, 'Well, no more from that dispensary.' Disappointed."
The Denon cable fares better with three stars, but seems to display some serious side effects: "The minute I plugged this cable in, I knew something was amiss. The first evidence? The small wormhole that appeared in our living room, right next to our holstein cowhide recliner. Peering into it I could discern the snarling face of a Ferengi, likely somewhere out in the Gamma quadrant."
Takei even contributed to one of the most famous Amazon review collections ever created: the Three Wolf Moon T-shirt:
This shirt has changed my life! Before, I couldn't walk through the aisles at Wal-Mart, graze on the buffet at Sizzler, or even take in a round at my local miniature golf course, without people pointing and saying, "Hey, you're that Zulu guy from Star Wars, aren't you?" Even if I wore sunglasses, I'd still get mistaken for Yoko Ono.
But with The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, the SHIRT now draws the eye. One young teen even shyly approached me, and instead of asking for a picture or an autograph, simply smiled conspiratorially and whispered, "Team Jacob, right? Me, too. He's sooooooo dreamy."
Yes he is, young lady. Yes. He. Is.
Now, how about reviewing Tuscan Whole Milk, George?