"So tonight, 12 leggy blondes walked up to me in a Hollywood bar. I chose the best three."
"Walking around Lake Como. Four women on my arm. None of them wants Pitt."
"Feeling pissed that Michael Douglas got Matt Damon to kiss him before he kissed me."
No, I am not fantasizing about my life. I am fantasizing about George Clooney's tweets. If he ever chose to emit any, that is.
Sadly for humanity, this is unlikely to ever happen. Clooney has expounded on his revulsion toward Twitter.
Last year, he offered: "I mean, when you see, like, Ashton Kutcher coming out going, you know, 'Everybody leave Joe Paterno alone,' or whatever he said, you just go, 'Fifteen minutes longer and a thought process and probably you wouldn't have done that."
Now, with a new film ("The Monuments Men") to promote, his stance on Twitter remains the same. He will never, ever tweet.
He told Variety: "Just because I like to have a drink at night, I could easily say something stupid, and I also don't think you need to be that available. I don't see Matt (Damon) or Brad (Pitt) or myself wanting to get our thoughts out in a 140-character-thing at 3 in the morning."
Oh, I'm sure they want to get their thoughts out and do. I just don't think they want to get their thoughts out to Marie who works the night shift making burgers for Jack In The Box.
At heart, it seems Clooney is such a perfectionist that he'd be horrified if something he tweeted after wine-filled frolicking made less sense in the morning.
"God forbid you take a sleeping pill and wake up and the sentences don't even make sense. What a horrible idea," he said.
Oh, George. Sometimes we need to let our senselessness emerge. It makes us appear more human to those around us.
There again, perhaps we don't want you to be senseless. We want you to continue living the beautiful life we wish we could live.
You know, the one Page Six, Variety, Vanity Fair, Entertainment Tonight, the Hollywood Reporter, Access Hollywood, and, of course, CNN are always telling us about.