Egads! No 3D for royal wedding
In a painful blow to technological development, the regal nuptials between Prince William and Kate Middleton will be not be presented in 3D.
They will be weeping as they clutch their commemorative plates, their mail order pendants, and their copies of Hello magazine.
They will be sobbing because they will not be able to experience the sensation of the bride's dress billowing about their ears and their eyes.
But the Royal Wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton will not be televised in 3D.
According to the Guardian, the stuffy staff at Buckingham Palace consulted with the Royal Couple and decided to nix the possibility of the whole world being able to examine the Royal Family's faces for dimples and pimples.
Patrick Harrison, press secretary to the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall, told the Guardian: "There are a number of reasons for this, most notably the additional camera footprint in the abbey, the relatively small (albeit growing) audience for 3D, and our desire to not be distracted away from negotiating and facilitating the optimal 2D, radio, photographic and online coverage of the day."
I, for one, have my face in my porridge over this decision.
This couple seems to rather like each other. They seem insistent on being themselves, rather than some fantasy of royal couplehood.
In a rather touching reversal of fortune, the bride-to-be has an accent that would slit a church vitrine from 20 paces, while the Prince has tempered his vocal delivery and even offers a little burr from the Wiltshire countryside.
So it would have been lovely to enjoy in the closest possible manner each look, each wink, each twitch offered by these symbols of hope.
The Palace doesn't rule out future 3D presentations. But there is only one Royal Wedding.
I fancy, though, that even if the ceremony itself will not be presented in its full dimensions, the broadcasters will still attempt to add some 3D flavor for the post-nuptial celebrations.
So please do not despair, do not smash your commemorative plates against the wall. Perhaps you will still be able to have the bride's dress glide about your living room as you inspect its every stitch.