Early holiday decorations driving shoppers online?

A survey suggests that shoppers loathe that stores put up their Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving, so they are even keener to shop online.

A scene from the video of "I Wish It Could Be Xmas Everyday" -- the retailers' anthem. EMI Music/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

When there was no choice about shopping, stores did as they pleased.

If they decided that the holiday season began when the clocks went back, then shoppers had to endure it.

Now, however, shoppers don't have to populate malls where the restrooms are clean, but the fountains are dirty.

Now, they have the Web.

It seems, indeed, that this year might represent an even greater rebellion against holiday decorations adorning stores before Thanksgiving.

I am speaking with the assurance of a drunken pollster, because I have before my eyes a survey performed on behalf of a cloud and mobile testing company called SOASTA. No, not Zoroaster. SOASTA.

These people exist so that retailers' Web sites are prepared for a commercial onslaught. So you must decide how much of this is survey and how much is oy, vey.

Still, these results suggest that 75 percent of humanity dislikes the fact that stores put up their Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving.

A fulsome 78 percent positively loathe the fact that holiday music gets played in the physical palaces of purchase.

Seventy-five percent -- though not necessarily the same 75 percent as above -- believe that stores should focus not on the curiously named Black Friday, but on Cyber Monday.

I am assured that the researchers didn't merely talk to boys with sparing amounts of facial hair.

Indeed, I am reminded that earlier this year, SOASTA surveyed the American community and was told that the bad economy -- and the idea of tolerating insane, possibly violent humans pouring into stores on Black Friday -- was going to drive people online.

Physical stores are struggling to make themselves tolerable. In the drive to stuff every square foot with merchandise, they are making themselves ever more like an airplane toilet.

Might these results tempt a few sensible store executives to hold off on the Christmas spirit, fake or real?

At least until real humans can garner a genuine taste for Bing Crosby and the two greatest modern Christams songs of all time -- Slade's "Merry Xmas Everybody" and Wizzard's "I Wish It Could Be Xmas Everyday" (embedded above)?

 

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