Cuba: How dare the new Call of Duty try to kill Castro?

Cuba's state-controlled media and bloggers are upset Call of Duty: Black Ops begins with an attempt to assassinate Fidel Castro.

If you notice your children becoming particularly sociopathic over the next few weeks and months, please consider that the reason might be Call of Duty: Black Ops.

I offer this important psychological advice as I have just been struck by the news that Cuba's finest independent media are so up in arms about the game that it seems they might even want to bear them.

What, you might wonder, could possible move the Cubans to be so upset? Well, it seems they are not entirely keen on the fact that the first mission of this extraordinarily well-reviewed game consists of an attempt to assassinate Fidel Castro.

According to an AFP story, Cubans are offering such feelingful lines such as: "What the United States government did not manage to do in 50 years, now it attempts to accomplish by virtual means."

In case you were born shortly around the time of Justin Bieber, the Cuban government claims that America has attempted to assassinate the 84-year-old Castro 638 times, according to the AFP story. Which is surely a testament to the idea of trying, trying again if you don't immediately find success.

Could he be a secret Call of Duty fan? CC Bernard Safran/Flickr

The story further quotes the Web site Cubadebate, where Castro regularly publishes opinion pieces, as offering that the new Call of Duty: Black Ops generates "sociopathic behavior among American children and adolescents, the main consumers."

Well, now. This is, indeed, a powerful game if it can turn American children into sociopaths, something that so many home-grown products, such as cell phones and pre-pubescent singers have failed to do.

But I urge the Cuban media not to worry. Soon, all wars will be video games. Which means that alleged attempts to poison Fidel Castro's milkshake will seem like mundanities when compared to the sophisticated technological maneuvers that will be employed to change the balance of the world.

You think that supposed missile launch off California a couple of days ago was a plane? You never imagined that it might have been an entirely new, video game-based device operated from his bedroom by a sociopathic 14-year-old in Carlsbad?

 

Join the discussion

Conversation powered by Livefyre

Show Comments Hide Comments