Conan O'Brien: How I would run Microsoft

The late-night talk show host passes on the job as new Microsoft CEO but reveals how he would steer the company.

Conan/LinkedIn Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Conan O'Brien as Microsoft CEO? Though Satya Nadella beat him out for the job, the late-night comedian is convinced he could bring the company back to greatness.

In a LinkedIn post on Tuesday, O'Brien, who is now one of the site's top influencers, said he could turn Microsoft back into "an industry titan like Wang or Commodore" through three simple steps: 1. Zune 2. More Zune 3. Even More Zune.

Coco also outlined other plans: A marketing campaign that would convince everyone in America to "Bing their symptoms" after a weekend trip to Juarez. A Surface tablet with tiny windshield wipers. A new version of Windows voiced by Scarlett Johansson, and a new edition of Excel with built-in Instagram filters.

Some of these ideas are no less wacky than certain ones cooked up by Microsoft over the years. So who knows how a Conan-led Microsoft would fare. The only sticking point: O'Brien would have insisted that the company be renamed CONAN.

About the author

Journalist, software trainer, and Web developer Lance Whitney writes columns and reviews for CNET, Computer Shopper, Microsoft TechNet, and other technology sites. His first book, "Windows 8 Five Minutes at a Time," was published by Wiley & Sons in November 2012.

 

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