Chinese Web choked by men searching for 'lesbian city'?
The mythical city of Chako Paul is allegedly in Sweden. It is supposedly populated only by lesbians. And Chinese men's enthusiasm to get there is, according to reports, having serious effect on the Web.
Let us be frank. Frank will do anything for sexual pleasure. So will Harry, Dilbert, and Freddie. Yes, and perhaps even Mao.
I have come to this revolutionary conclusion thanks to a story that will undoubtedly go down in legend--if it didn't already start there.
You see, a number of reports from across the world are suggesting that the Web in China is being stressed to distraction by Chinese men searching for a very particular sexual distraction indeed--Chako Paul City.
Should Chako Paul be less familiar to you than, say, Chaka Khan, might I tell you that legend has it that Chako Paul City is in Sweden. And it is populated mainly by lesbians.
Well, when I say "is," I really mean "isn't."
However, the male population of China has allegedly got it into its collective hollow head, and perhaps its collective nether regions, that there is, indeed, a Swedish city with 25,000 women and no men. This knowledge seemingly has encouraged them to search madly for ways of espying this singular place.
According to The Australian newspaper, which, might I say, is a rather serious publication, Chinese Internet providers are being swamped to paralysis by the sheer volume of men choking for a taste of Chako Paul.
The rumor is that Chako Paul City was created in 1820 in the deepest, darkest, and most uncut woods of northern Sweden. The founder is said to have been a widow who loathed men more, perhaps, than she must have loathed sunshine.
The city is said to be guarded by two blond women, who keep men from scaling the ramparts of its medieval castle.
This all sounds like ten tons of bunkum to me (especially as most Swedish women are, well, brunettes), but not, allegedly, to men who crave the fantasy of 25,000 blond women frolicking in the woods.
Claes Bertilsen of the Swedish Association of Local Authorities and Regions seems to think that anyone who has been inclined to swallow this tale might have been smoking rather wacko tobacco.
He told the Swedish news organization, the Local: "At 25,000 residents, the town would be one of the largest in northern Sweden, and I find it hard to believe that you could keep something like that a secret for more than 150 years."
I find it hard to believe that anyone might think you could guard a city of 25,000 with just two blond women--who may, according to this rampant rumor from the ramparts, turn out to be lesbians.
You see, the Local quotes the Chinese news service Harbin News as declaring that many of Chako Paul's inhabitants turned to homosexuality "because they could not suppress their sexual needs."
There is also the quite colorful suggestion that most of the inhabitants are employed in forestry (no, never) and that many have, according to the Xinhua news agency, a "thick waist belt full of woodworking equipment."
I am not sure how many more days that Chinese Internet providers can cope with their male population's enthusiasm for these Swedish logger lesbians.
If indeed they are truly struggling with the phenomenon at all.
However, just in case, I can only hope that the women of China slap the men of China firmly about the ears and solar plexus before the world's most important nation grinds to an undignified and unwarranted digital halt.