Can your GeoSpot give you an orgasm whenever you want?
GeoSpot.com is a new site that endeavors to give you what you want--at exactly the time you want it.
Someone has to say it.
These days, people are getting far more lasting satisfaction from food than from sex.
While the latter's public face is becoming ever more seamy rather than steamy, the former expresses its glories at every public level--from the sensual to the visual to the televisual.
There will never be a reality show called Top Pimp.
Top Chef, on the other hand, is the cause of more reheated emotions than Sex And the City and Deep Throat combined.
Perhaps this explains a new venture called GeoSpot.com.
GeoSpot is not just a directory that tells you where you can experience your culinary ecstasy.
Its aim is to make sure you get what you want exactly when you want it.
The site, currently in Beta testing, allows you to enter the type of cuisine you are looking to enjoy, the city in which you are looking to enjoy it, and the time at which you would like to have the pleasure.
It claims to be able to offer details such as telling you if a cafe is open, but its accompanying bakery is closed.
I imagine, though, that GeoSpot's success or failure will depend on its ability to go into the truly important details that make for a perfect evening out.
I would want GeoSpot to tell me, for example:
1. Whether the chef is in a pissy mood and is forcing his staff to use ingredients well past their sell-by date.
2. Whether the majority of the serving staff were out all night and haven't got a single order right yet. (I am reminded of one restaurant in LA where the waiter brought the food and said: "What did you order?" "The chicken," I replied. "Well, I brought you the fish," said the waiter, as if this was perfectly normal.)
3. Whether the only tables available are near the restrooms, the kitchen or the couple who have been rowing for the past two hours. (I once sat next to a couple and was privileged to hear the wife hiss: "It's not the beef bourgignon, darling. It's the last twenty-six years.")
4. Whether the general manager is a touchy-feely creep who switches the bottled wine for boxed.
I know technology cannot solve everything at once.
But if OpenTable.com can have their reservation terminals in many of the nation's restaurants, surely it is but a coder's flight of fancy before a company such as GeoSpot can give us details of the atmosphere, cuisine, and cleanliness of servers' hands at any given time of day or night.
Perhaps some of the tech world's finest can focus on this issue.
After all, many are already involved in culinary adventures themselves.
Take Tod Sacerdoti, the highly regarded CEO of online video ad selling company Bright Roll. He is one of the owners of a very popular San Francisco restaurant called Circa. Perhaps he can expand on GeoSpot's quest for the ultimate satisfaction?
He will undoubtedly understand just how tough it is to reach a foodie's nirvana.
Circa's executive chef, Erik Hopfinger, was eliminated from this year's Top Chef very early on.
Let's just say he had a problem with, you know, his souffle.