Buy your ticket for the new Titanic (no iPads, thanks)

Titanic II will allegedly be a perfect replica of the original that caused the death of Leonardo DiCaprio. It will have many mod conveniences, but Internet probably will not be one of them.

Icebergs be damned. Clive Palmer

Tempting fate is a very human pastime. We know it will all end badly sooner or later, so why not see whether we can skirt the edge of disaster and experience how it feels?

Such an impulse will surely drive many to book an early ticket on Titanic II.

No, this is not another Donald Trump project. It is, instead, the idea of Clive Palmer, an Australian mining tycoon known for his dreamy qualities.

He once suggested that Greenpeace was funded by the CIA. He erected a 26-foot Tyrannosaurus Rex at his Coolum golf course, home of this year's (but not next year's) Australian PGA Championship.

So the idea of a new Titanic seems entirely sensible.

As USA Today reports, Palmer showed off the plans for the new ship this week and promised it would be a "full-scale re-creation."

He also insisted that "the Titanic II will be the ship where dreams come true."

This is the height of salesmanship for the successor to an original that offered more than its fair share of customer disappointment.

Naturally, the ship will have a few more modern conveniences than its predecessor. There are to be Turkish baths, a gym, a swimming pool, and casino among other attractions on its 883 feet of length.

Yet there is a curiously anti-technological bent to Palmer's intentions.

Firstly, there will no TVs. Stunningly, there will "probably" be no Internet.

What sort of human being can survive without their iPads or Galaxy S3s on a voyage that might be their last?

I say this not to suggest that this ship will be anything other than seaworthy, but to suggest that the average age of those who go on cruises may be quite elevated.

Still, Twitter is bubbling with excitement about this vessel, which ought to be ready to sail in 2016.

The #Titanic II hashtag bristles with anticipation.

Some, though, offer sobering thoughts. Tom Crabtree, for example, tweets: "I'm going to build an exact replica of the iceberg that sank the Titanic and follow the Titanic II around for awhile."

And The Daily Candy cannot resist getting in on the dampening act, tweeting: "All aboard 'Titanic II'? Hopefully, it's not run by Carnival."

This is a rather priggish reminder of the tribulations endured recently by those who sailed on the presciently named Carnival Triumph.

I am confident that Palmer's vision will make this project smooth sailing.

I look forward to the launch campaign featuring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet lounging on the deck and a new Celine Dion song called "Your Heart Will Stop. But Only Temporarily."

 

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