Breakfast is coming: Combat Kitchenware for warrior chefs

Arm yourself with a Fighting Man's Frying Pan and the confidence you will defeat your egg enemies, slaughter the sausages, and reign supreme over the stove-top realm.

Fighting Man's Frying Pan
I shall fry thee into submission. Morlock Enterprises

Every Sunday morning, my squire helps me put on a full suit of chain mail before I head into the kitchen to do battle with cranberry muffins and eggs over easy. Now all I need is some Combat Kitchenware to truly force my hash browns into submission.

Combat Kitchenware is the melding of a sword with a pan. It swaps out the pan handle with a pommel, grip, and guard from a sword that could have been plucked off the set of "Game of Thrones." These pans would add a new dimension to Iron Chef battles, especially if the combatants were allowed to fight to the death.

The hilt of the Fighting Man's Frying Pan is made from aluminum while the grip is silicone. I'll have to forgive the creator for leaving out all the fighting women who would like one of these. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman wearing plate armor and defeating all comers in a melee while sauteing wild mushrooms with shallots in butter.

A $27 Kickstarter pledge will get you a handle kit to convert an existing frying pan. You could get your castle blacksmith to do it for you. A $45 pledge gets a ready-to-cook 8-inch pan. Perhaps the coolest option is the $80 cast-iron pan with a two-handed sword handle.

The makers of Combat Kitchenware are already thinking ahead. How does a meat-tenderizing mace sound? Pretty awesome, I would say. I would also like to request a fondue crossbow and a spear spoon. I shall rule the kitchen with an iron hand.

 

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