Bravo casting Real Crazies of Silicon Valley

It seems that the makers of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" have decided that Silicon Valley is the next great location for a pulsating reality show. The casting agents are looking for techies with "big personalities." Is there any other kind?

Do you know high-minded, self-absorbed characters who are deeply committed to "Keeping Up With the Kardashians"? (Do they ever get to keep up?)

Do you happen to live with someone whose very being is rocked every time a Real Housewife or a Situation invades your TV screen?

If you happen to be one of these purgatorial souls, I bring supreme tidings. For it appears that Bravo, perhaps the greatest of the reality show cable channels, is casting a new show about Silicon Valley.

How can I possibly know this? Well, it seems that a nice lady at GigaOm received an e-mail announcing this very fact. From it, one can deduce that the Bravo casting agents believe GigaOm to be the perfect repository of "CONFIDENT professionals with BIG PERSONALITIES."

No, my caps lock isn't stuck. I am quoting not only the e-mail GigaOm received but also the ad that the producers have helpfully inserted on Craigslist.

Screenshot: Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

The ad is so fulsome in its excitement that it deserves to be quoted. Bravo isn't merely seeking techies. No, no. It believes that the whole of Silicon Valley is a fire-snorting flesh-pit of pulsating excitement.

For the ad offers several casting options: "How about a hotshot lawyer, who works hard from 9-5 but parties even harder after dark? Maybe you just got your break working at one of the biggest internet companies burning through the late-night hours and partying in the even later ones? Or maybe you're a middle school teacher in a small suburb, but you have a secret wild side?"

All middle school teachers have a secret wild side. Don't these producers read The National Enquirer? Middle school teachers are being sent to jail for exposing their secret wild side all the time.

But do techies have a secret wild side? Don't they merely get off on coding, skateboarding, and tofu? (Or bison-killing .)

Is it possible that in this reality show--which might surely be entitled "Real Valley of the Dolls--it will be the techies who will fade into the background as the coke-snorting, club-hopping lawyers, the vicodin-popping, bed-hopping doctors, and the twisted sister veterinarians take center stage?

Unless there are some finely honed tech personalities who have been waiting all their life to be Snookied, this could be the worst advertisement for Silicon Valley ever seen. I am worried. Truly, I am very worried indeed.

 

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