Always wait for something better. ALWAYS.

3G is faster, but a bird in the hand...

ZDNet's David Borlind has a bug up his butt about 3G.

If the report is true, this could be worse news for Apple given that the price drop had to have come so soon to stimulate demand. There's nothing that kills demand for the current generation of a product like an announcement that the next generation won't be stillborn with obsolete networking technology the way the currently available generation was.

Aarrrrrgh!

And that's not the Macalope talking like a pirate (it's Talk Like A Pirate Day)! It's him wanting to stick pointy objects in his eyes to gouge out the offending sight of such claptrap!

We've been over and over and over and OVER this a zillion times in the past nine months and people still refuse to accept the simple fact that there are tradeoffs with battery life and cost.

And not one of the goofballs harping on EDGE will ever mention the iPhone feature that might just trump a slower connection speed - its interface, one the Macalope would argue is superior to that of any other cell phone.

But, shhh. Don't mention that. It's all about 3G. Because it's faster. Whether you can find it or not.

Sure, the next version of anything will always be better than the current one. But iPhone 2.0 will very likely get the things right that iPhone 1.0 got so wrong.

Well, this ought to be good.

For example, in addition to making it work on the faster of the two networks that most GSM-flavored providers like AT&T run (was this really that hard of a decision?)...

Yes! Because EDGE is more ubiquitous in the U.S.! A faster connection is worthless if you can't find it! Are you new here?!

...I'm guessing that it will have removable batteries as well.

Ah! You mean just like when Apple put a removable battery on the iPod when a relatively small group of people clamored for one?

Wait a minute...

Perhaps iPhone 2.0 will also address the third most talked about iPhone flaw (in addition to missing 3G support and non-replaceable batteries): its soft keyboard.

Hey, Dave, you know there's this guy that runs Apple -- his name is Steve Jobs -- and you should really consider looking at some of the things he's said and his track record in sticking to them. Because he's the kind of guy who usually sticks to his guns unless something is really obviously wrong and, well, this just isn't one of those cases.

Might the new design have some sort of hardware-based keyboard...

No.

...or will Apple do what it does with the touchpad on its notebooks...

Huh? Now trackpads aren't big enough for you? Dave, if your fingers are ballooning up to sausage size you might want to see a doctor. You could have a circulation problem.

...and stick us with something that some segment of the market (like those of us with big fingers) simply can't use?

There seems to be this set of technology pundits running around dissing the iPhone's keyboard as too tiny for their big fingers, heh-heh-heh. And you know what they say. Big fingers...

Dave, take a look at those keys. They aren't any smaller than the keys on a Treo so just man up. If the Macalope can operate them with his massive hooves, then you surely can with your apparently overly fleshy digits.

The fourth most talked about flaw - its total RAM - will most definitely get a boost.

WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING TO BRING YOU THIS NEWS FLASH: DEVICES IN THE FUTURE WILL HAVE MORE RAM! FILM AT 11.

...if Apple's is smart, it will also add an SD slot: one that supports the high capacity version of SD known as SDHC.

As long as in this context your definition of "smart" is "stupid". Again, there's this device called the iPod. To borrow a line from Fake Steve, maybe you've heard of it? Do you see any iPods that have upgradeable memory? No, you do not.

It's not, as you claim, a "conspiracy theory" that Apple does not make all of its devices as upgradeable as its pro products. It's a business plan. And it works pretty well because -- guess, what? -- most people are going to upgrade these things in two years anyway.

The Macalope has a 4 GB iPhone and, while you can never have too much RAM or hard drive space, it's fine. A well-selected playlist, some TV shows and a movie are all he needs for trolling around town or even a flight across the country.

The iPhone with its Safari browser may get plenty of rich internet applications via Web sites built in AJAX. But I wonder if the next version will support one of the prevailing runtimes (Java or Flash, I don't think there's a chance in hell that Apple would go for Microsoft's Silverlight) so as to increase the iPhone's appeal due to application availability (especially in overseas markets where mobile runtimes are getting more traction than they get here in the US).

Meh. Maybe. It would certainly help gain some traction in the business market if the iPhone's Safari supported Java. But that's just not a market Apple competes in. And, again, have you heard of Steve Jobs?

But it's that 3G support alone that should kill any desire for iPhone 1.0.

Yes. The idea that something in the future might be better should always kill any desire to own something now. If you time it just right, you can buy that one killer device five minutes before you die and achieve optimal purchasing!

Remember, Berlind is talking not just about Europe here, he's talking about sales of the iPhone everywhere.

Maybe then, there'll be a shred of truth to the Apple TV advertisement that says "It's not the mobile Web, it's just the Web."

Oh, fer...

Have you used Safari on the iPhone? Even on EDGE it's the best web surfing experience on a cell phone money can buy.

Meanwhile, so long as an iPhone is connecting to AT&T's network and not some WiFi network (the iPhone also has a WiFi radio), the browser experience is most definitely saddled with the sort of granny lane performance that has "mobile Web" written all over it. False advertising? You decide.

Silly pundit zombie talking points that will not die. The iPhone will be in its fifth rev and we'll still be talking about the commercial where Apple showed it working faster than it might in suboptimal conditions.

The Macalope has said this before, but pardon Apple for not showing the slowest possible speeds in its commercials. David, there are more and more WiFi hotspots every day. The sandwich shop down the street from the pointy one's office has one, the coffee shop has one, the waiting room in the auto dealer has one.

New Yorkers like to say that the outdoors is something you have to go through to get to the cab. Well, EDGE is something you have to go through to get to WiFi. My god, people act like EDGE is some blight on the human condition like polio or something, as if there were no trade-offs to be made, that 3G was simply better.

It's not.

It's faster, but it uses more power, the hardware is more expensive and it's not as ubiquitous as EDGE in the U.S. where the iPhone needed to be successful first. The Macalope knows that's not the case in Europe, hence the WiFi deal which -- hey! -- is a feature.

Look, the horny one does not expect the iPhone to do as well in Europe as it has in the U.S. and for several of the reasons Berlind lists. The price and, yes, the lack of 3G. But Berlind refuses to look at the iPhone as a package and instead focuses on what he perceives to be deal killers.

And the last two and a half months have proved that they're not. They may be for Berlind, but one of the biggest problems with the current state of punditry is confusing what the public wants with what the pundit wants. The two are not necessarily the same.

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About the author

    Born of the earth, forged in fire, the Macalope was branded "nonstandard" and "proprietary" by the IT world and considered a freak of nature. Part man, part Mac, and part antelope, the Macalope set forth on a quest to save his beloved platform. Long-eclipsed by his more prodigious cousin, the jackalope (they breed like rabbits, you know), the Macalope's time has come. Apple news and rumormonger extraordinaire, the Macalope provides a uniquely polymorphic approach. Disclosure.

     

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