Alpha Papa: Tech brands Alan Partridge has ruined forever

As anyone who's shared a confined space with us for more than a minute will know, the CNET UK office is stuffed full of dedicated Alan Partridge fans. We adore Norwich's favourite son, and particularly admire his ability to forever poison a beloved brand simply by stating his allegiance to it.

With that in mind -- and in honour of his upcoming big-screen outing Alpha Papa -- we present, in no particular order, the tech brands that Alan Partridge has ruined forever. Let battle commence.

Bang & Olufsen

"What's your favourite Beatles album?" "Tough one. I think I'd have to say The Best of the Beatles."

You have to feel for Danish audio wonks Bang & Olufsen, who could only watch helplessly as Alan hijacked the prestigious brand, forever linking its swanky audio kit to Travel Taverns and UB40 in the minds of viewers. Still, you may be paying an arm and a leg, but there's no better hardware when it comes to belting out the theme to Black Beauty.

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Alan plays the field when it comes to audio tech, also making mention of his Alba stereo system earlier in this episode.

Motorola

"He said, 'That's saaaad, you want to upgrade!' And I said, 'So do you -- to a new face!'"

Motorola has a great track record when it comes to mobiles, creating the gorgeously thin Razr, and more recent Android smart phones that go head-to-head with the likes of Samsung and Apple.

It's come a long way, but we'll never quite shake the association with Alan's beloved Motorola Timeport, however -- a classic old-school mobile that made its debut in 1999.

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Before allying himself with Motorola, Alan used an Ericsson -- back when the Swedish firm still made mobiles, and even before it was partnered with Sony. Perhaps he switched when his phone ran out of battery one too many times.

Currys

"You ought to have a basic grasp of Latin if you're working in Currys."

The high-street retailer of choice when Alan needs two supplementary auxiliary speakers to go with his hi-fi system, this long-standing British chain is now twinned with PC World, and is impressively still afloat, even as retailers such as Comet and Jessops are forced out of business by online rivals.

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Alan isn't particularly loyal when it comes to high-street tech, however, having also enjoyed an after-hours romp around Tandys (nice action) and even reminding lovers mid-coitus that the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre could block traders' access to Dixoooons.

Lexus

"The Japanese Mercedes."

Not only the vehicle of choice for Alan, but for Dan Moody -- Alan's best friend until the washed-up presenter realises his new pal and his wife are sex people.

While a car first and a tech object second, Lexus is perhaps the brand most closely associated with Partridge. The night after the first episode of I'm Alan Partridge season 2 aired, this irked commenter took to the Lexus Owners Club forums to post, "Bloody typical, we drive round in the nice Lexus cars and Alan Partridge goes and gets himself a 'Lexii'."

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You only need to catch a glimpse of the driving gloves to realise that Alan is passionate about cars, and Lexus isn't the only badge he'd proudly sport on his bonnet.

Before owning the Lexus he tore through Norfolk in a Rover 800 and drove a Vauxhall Vectra to Dundee in his bare feet, while the recent Alan Partridge: Welcome to the Places of My Life saw our favourite DJ trundle around Norwich in a Range Rover, and drive a Vauxhall Insignia BiTurbo. Just don't ask him to drive a Mini Metro.

Corby

"I was a bit bored, so I dismantled my Corby trouser press."

The ultimate hotel gadget, the humble Corby trouser press can be seen adorning the walls of inns across the nation, a constant reminder of the time when Alan was bored and dismantled one of Linton Travel Tavern's own trouser-squashing devices.

Now officially dubbed 'Corby of Windsor', the presses are hand-assembled and individually tested before being dispatched from its Huddersfield factory, according to some online assembly instructions that could have been a great help to Alan.

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Home tech is important to Alan, and he's been known to express his affection for the odd kitchen brand -- Smeg, Neff, Poggenpohl and Bosch.

The rest

We've focused on tech, but there are plenty of brands and products that scream 'Partridge' the second we hear them mentioned. Saniflow, Kenco, Top Gear, Littlewoods, Terry's, Castrol GTX, Toblerone... the list goes on. Are there any that we've missed, and are you looking forward to the Alan Partridge film? Let me know in the comments or on our Facebook wall.