All the single ladies (all the single ladies), put your hands up for the Alcatel OT-808. It mobile phone we've ever seen, but is possibly the first to be square rather than rectangular. In fact, it looks almost exactly like a make-up compact. That's probably what Alcatel had in mind, because the OT-808 is "designed exclusively for women". Squee!Qwerty clamshell
What that means is: it's pink, and a bit rubbish. Despite prominent social-networking features, the phone isn't 3G. It boasts the super-speedy, so that should help speed up Edge-based browsing times.
The phone sports a 61mm (2.4-inch) screen and blue-backlit keyboard. Built-in widgets include a calculator, an organiser, a currency converter and a voice recorder. It's an MP3 player and FM radio too. There's a 2-megapixel still and video camera which doubles as a webcam, streaming audio and video to the Internet. It supports microSD up to 8GB and plays H.263 and MPEG-4 video.
But don't worry your pretty little heads about all those silly old numbers, ladies. Instead look forward to a good old gossip with your BFFs on instant messenger courtesy of Palringo, which pulls in various different IM accounts so you can chat with all your friends.
As well as pink, the 808 also comes in dark chrome. If you want to keep your options open, check out our favourite.
The Alcatel OT-808 will be patronising women everywhere on pay as you go, exclusive to Carphone Warehouse, for £50. If you're a chap, don't be tempted -- remember, it's "exclusively for women", so if you even pick it up in the shop your knackers will fall off. If you need us, we'll be out in the club, sippin' that bub' and you're not gonna reach our telephone.