I don't know who conducts sexuality experiments at the University of Sydney. And I refuse to wonder about their sex lives.
But the latest results of one of the University's experiments may leave many male readers' blood above safe temperature levels.
The researchers delved into the sexual biographies of 185 students and emitted some breathtaking conclusions.
Female arts students are the most likely to have sex. And the least likely? Oh, yes. Another dart at the genitals of male science students.
The research report, published in the journal Sexual Health, declared: "Males in the study were less likely to have had sex as a group compared to the group of females in the sample (....) Science students were also less likely to have had sex compared to their counterparts in other faculties."
The report then cited a Sydney-based psychotherapist, Stephen Carroll, who made some humbling statements: "Who are the people at unis that go to the rave parties and the bar? It's not the nerdy boy science students."
The 'nerdy boy science students'? Is that not a little cliche along the lines of 'full of babbling bilge psychotherapists'? Is one to ignore the possibility that Mr. Carroll himself might, deep in his inner cortex, be worried that he is a little nerdy boy?
And how should one react to his suggestion that it is significant that many of those who come to study science in Sydney are foreigners? So foreigners find it more difficult to have sex in Sydney? Honestly, does anyone find it terribly difficult to have sex in Sydney? How many people are, in fact, sober enough NOT to have sex in Sydney? Even the Australian Prime Minister has admitted getting tipsy and going to a strip club.
In the words of my fine Australian friend, Justine: "It's a drinking culture. And you know what that leads to.."
Were the researchers not aware of the recent study from the University of California at Davis that suggested that women have a vast preference for male intelligence over dumb jockism, an attitude that holds for one-night stands, two-night stands and even longer-term relationships.
I am concerned about the University of Sydney's male boffin besmirchment because writing on this site has helped me become far more sensitive towards the complexities of the scientific mind. It has also helped me read the fine print of research reports.
The brains from Sydney appear to have reached their conclusion from a survey in which only 22% of those questioned were actually male. Which would mean that their evidence is based on the sex stories of merely 40.7 males. (One can only wonder how many of these were foreign males).
Did the researchers wonder why so few males participated? Was it because they were too shy to talk about their shamefully constricted sex lives?
Or was it because they were too busy on a quiet lab floor or kitchen counter, enjoying blissful conjoinment with a like mind?