A Skype exorcism: The modern way to rid yourself of demons
Reverend Bob Larson, an Arizona priest, believes in using technology to get rid of unwanted evil.
I tend to fight my demons by grinding my teeth and sipping Gamling and McDuck's cabernet franc.
I understand, though, that some prefer a religious representative to confront the evil spirit and, well, curse it out.
This isn't always an easy arrangement. So I'm delighted that Reverend Bob Larson, of the DWJD (Do What Jesus Did) Spiritual Freedom Church in Arizona has now disrupted the process of exorcisms. Yes, he's doing them via Skype.
You can see the advantages immediately. You sense an evil presence in your living room, larder or larynx. You Skype Reverend Bob in the manner of a 911 call. Then, like the 7th Anti-Demon Cavalry, he rides into action.
On viewing the CNN report below, I confess that I found the whole thing a tad disturbing. Like a C-level horror movie.
"I'm going to reach out, across the miles," he tells an allegedly possessed man from Norway.
What proceeds is a lot of demonic cursing from one side of the Skype call and a lot of crucifix waving from the other.
Reverend Bob told CNN: "There would be no need to theatrically stage this for any reason. Why would anybody do that?"
I suspect the unbelieving and skeptical would suggest that Mammon might play a demonic role here.
It costs $295 for 60 minutes of the reverend's saintly Skyped powers. This is, so the Huffington Post tells me, treated as a charitable donation to the International Missions Program.
The International Catholic Association of Exorcists is not impressed, but for more spiritual reasons. Its Reverend Isaac Kramer told Vocativ: "If a person is fully possessed, the demon inside of them will not let them sit in front of the computer screen to be exorcised. Chances are, they're going to throw the computer screen across the room and destroy everything."
Still, one can understand the attraction of Larson's promise. If you're not feeling yourself, there might be another self inside you, working to contort your life in unwelcome directions.
Moreover, he does offer preventative measures. On his highly commercialized Web site, there's a book called "Demon Proofing Prayers." It costs a mere $14.99.
Then there's an 8-hour DVD series titled: "Why You Need Deliverance!" This normally retails at $49, but has been reduced to a far more palatable $19. Yes, for this week only!
My own religion tends toward the Church Of Whatever Works For You. Perhaps, therefore, these Skype exorcisms do the trick for those who need the trick done.
I'll stick to the trick of the cabernet franc.