Her pseudonym is Natalie Dylan. Because she is a woman of impeccable taste, I imagine that she named herself after Natalie Wood and Bob Dylan.
If you have not yet been propositioned by her publicity, Natalie, 22 years old, is selling her virginity to the highest bidder at Bunnyranch.com. The leading man's offer currently stands at a breathtaking $3.8 million.
The Bunny Ranch, for those who haven't been initiated, is an extremely famous brothel in Nevada, and perhaps you, on hearing this news, will be wondering just what criteria she will be using to cherry-pick her premier partner.
As a concerned citizen and businessperson, I have some questions.
1. Who is she, really? Although she has appeared with Tyra Banks and Howard Stern, among others, she claims that she took on the pseudonym for her own 'safety.' Strangely, I can find no online trace of her real name.
She says she is a student at Sacramento State. You would have thought that fellow members of her undergraduate Women's Studies program would have performed their social-networking duties, and twittered and facebooked away about her enterprise and her true self.
There is one quote of hers they might wish to enlighten us about. It came from an interview Natalie did with a CBS affiliate. She said: "I'm a big fan of anonymity."
2. Why is it all auction and no action? Ms. Dylan has been on this quest since last September. She says she needs the money in order to pay for a Master's Degree in Family and Marriage Therapy. But does Sacramento State have gold bidets in the bathrooms? Or is she thinking Harvard? The Sorbonne, perhaps?
In the CBS interview, she mentioned that she was going to write a book and set up in practice with her sister, Avia--who seems also to have occasionally burrowed down at the Bunny Ranch to earn a little cash. But isn't $3.8 million quite a handsome sum? Or has she discovered it comes with not such a handsome (or Mensa-some) owner?
3. Why does she insist on intelligence in her suitor? I can't help but imagine that she will not be in flagrante delicto for longer than an episode of The Office. So why is it that she feels it important for her suitor to have brains?
Most people might consider several words or phrases for a man who would sacrifice upward of $3.8 million for one night of (anticipated) excitement: "rich," "sad," or even "didn't do business with Bernie Madoff, then." But why would she wish for the first suitor to desuit her to know who Shakespeare is? Or even how to spell his name?
4. Does she intend to film the event? I ask only because the site states that she will personally correspond with the applicants first. What might they be talking about? Could it be that, not content with making money for her studies, her book and her practice, she is seconding the notion of a DVD? Or even, as it were, a live feed?
Most men with money tend to be big fans of anonymity. Could it be that those with the financial wads are concerned that their physical wads might be displayed for all the world to see?
5. Does she want the winner to do more than just have sex? I am very concerned that the highly educated, wealthy, single, divorced, or strangely brazen men who have already bid may be stumped by an unexpected request on Natalie's part. She was quoted in the Daily Mailas saying: "I think me and the person I do it with will both profit greatly from the deal."
But if I have more wads of cash than I can waste any other way, why would I wish to make a profit from this act of love? Is Natalie imagining that she and her temporary beau will be doing another tour of the talk shows before they enjoy the Bunny Ranch's thread count?
Or, dare one even consider the thought, is she already setting up interviews for both of them after Money Honey has enjoyed Sugar Daddy? Can anyone imagine Tyra Banks smiling sweetly at the highly educated, wealthy, etc., man and asking: "Did the earth move for you?"
Sometimes love just isn't what it seems.