The Macalope: An Apple blog

Adrian Kingsley-Hughes points to piece that all too well demonstrates the tendency to take unfortunate events and draw irrational conclusions. In this case, the implication is that the death of a British Columbia man who was hit by a falling helicopter could have been averted if he hadn't been wearing his iPod.

Kingley-Hughes says

Now, I don't know about you, but iPod or no iPod, I really don't expect to be crushed horribly from above by a wildly flailing helicopter when picking up my mail. On top of that, I really don't fancy my chances of dodging an inbound chopper whether I was wearing earphones or not.

Indeed.

It's not exactly as if earphones were invented with the iPod. Old people have been railing against the evils of "that damned racket" since before the Sony Walkman was introduced.

There are certainly good personal health reasons to keep the audio piped into your ears to a reasonable volume, but retaining your ability to dive, John McClane-style, out of the path of an incoming helicopter is not one of them.

Rest easy, dear reader. They've found the major cause of global warming. It's Apple.

Thanks to the perspicacity of Climate Counts (double entendre intended!), we now know that Apple is

A choice to avoid for the climate-conscious consumer. This company is not yet taking meaningful action on climate change.

Now, before we get into this, the Macalope would like to stress that he really has no idea if Apple is bad for the environment.

But, hey, guess what?! Neither does Climate Counts! That's right, for every category where information was not available, Apple was simply given a zero. And in Apple's case, that basically explains the entirety of the low score.

Of course, it's perfectly possible that Apple doesn't give out this information because the secret ingredient in iPhones is ground-up puppies that are rendered in a floating complex in the Indian Ocean that's powered by huge coal furnaces and wood stoves.

It's also possible that these scorecards are cynical attempts to gin up publicity for an environmental concern nobody's ever heard of before that's funded by yogurt pushers (who knows what their insidious agenda might be!) by dinging the famous fruity company that sells that thing that you like. Pillorying Apple may or may not be valid, but it sure does generate a lot of free PR.

Climate Counts says:

The higher the score, the greater the company's commitment to fighting global warming.

Well, that's not exactly ... Read more

The Macalope had to do a double take at this piece on eWEEK that argues that a well-rounded IT background should include knowledge of the Mac.

An article on Macs in business that reasonably lays out the pro case?

A quote about religion that is about Microsoft instead of Apple?

A reporter who didn't get a quote from Rob Enderle?

A planet where apes evolved from man?!

"There is almost a religious belief by existing IT staff in the Windows religion, and it's a symbiotic relationship: They keep getting Microsoft certifications and they keep telling their bosses to continue buying Windows," Technology Business Research analyst Ezra Gottheil told eWEEK.

Ezra, you're lucky you're not in the same room as the Macalope right now, because he wants to sweep you up and give you a great big hug and that would be embarrassing for both of us.

Probably more so for you.

Definitely for you.

But it's true. Mac home users are constantly derided as some kind of "cult", completely in thrall to Steve Jobs. But it's Microsoft that has created an entire church, with priests, acolytes and altar boys (also known as "Access developers").

Though consumer and enterprise technologies function in largely separate universes guided by wildly different demands, the uptick in Mac use puts pressure on enterprises to allow employees to use what they're used to.

Well, the Macalope doesn't know about that. Since when does corporate IT care about your ... Read more

So often when deconstructing a work of silly punditry, the Macalope will log on later to see that there is a response, a comeback, a retort.

And he will sigh.

Because they're always really lame.

Can't the brown and furry one just let the air out of a piece without having to spend an entire week on it?

Well, such was his initial reaction upon finding that ZDNet's Jason Perlow had posted a response to his piece from Monday. But to his delight, he found this response was different. This was saucy, with a piquant flavor and none of the usual bitter aftertaste so many of the Macalope's other sparring partners have left him.

The Macalope's frown? Turned upside down.

In response to the pointy one's point that the legs of the Mac cloning biz might be short and stumpy, Perlow replies:

What, amputees aren't entitled to have fun? You got a problem with veterans who had half their limbs blown off in the OS wars?

See what he did there? He riffed on the Macalope's bit. It's almost unheard of. A tip o' the antlers to you, sir!

But I guess Macalope likes to get his point across using inflammatory and tasteless metaphors.

Inflammatory, yes, but as a gourmand such as yourself should know, taste is subjective.

I believe the good Macalope is again confusing harmless PC hobbyists doing things in the privacy of their own homes with the activities ... Read more

Ah, spring! When a gentleman's fancy turns to Mac cloning! Like ZDNet's Jason Perlow.

... I have to think that this whole idea of commercially produced Mac Clones has legs...

Ah, so Perlow's a leg man. Well, Jason, the Macalope's not sure what you're into but, just so you know, these particular legs are likely to be of the short, stumpy variety.

But despite all the lusting, is this relationship meant to be? Sure, cloners were able to legally have their way with Windows, but OS X ain't that kind of girl. She's gonna put up a fight.

There is the obvious difference here that Apple owns Mac OS X and the rights to the hardware platform it runs on, whereas IBM had a non-exclusive license from Microsoft which prevented a loophole from being closed, but to use the hackneyed phrase -- when there is a will, there is a way.

There are certainly going to be more attempts to create unlicensed Mac clones. The problem is, who wants to buy a computer running an unsupported operating system from a company that has the life expectancy of a fruit fly?

I have always said that it made absolutely no sense that Apple backed off from the prospect of cloned systems.

And the Macalope has always said that the water fountains at ZDNet must be served with lead pipes.

How easy is it? Well, along with legal copies of Mac OS X and a special ... Read more

There is seriously something wrong at Microsoft (tip o' the antlers to David Chartier on the Twitter).

Poor Microsoft.

No, really.

OK, stop that. Stop that snickering.

OK, well, just a little snickering. Go ahead.

OK, done now?

OK.

But, look, they really have a tough job. Apparently -- and who could have predicted this? -- there's a cost to being everything to everyone. The Macalope doesn't envy them. They have a gazillion different users with a gazillion different requirements and hundreds (thousands?) of hardware manufacturers they have to get their software to satisfy those requirements on.

Suddenly the Apple method of making the whole enchilada doesn't seem so bad now does it?

So, again, please tell the Macalope how Apple desperately needs to license the Mac OS, because facing the choice of continuing to wrestle with this unmanageable hydra or breaking it apart into multiple code bases as Gartner is suggesting just sounds awesome.

Of course, it's not to say that Microsoft should necessarily jump on this advice. Gartner, you may recall, is the firm that famously said Apple should get out of the hardware business (albeit by licensing to only Dell).

Go back and read the arguments Gartner put forth. They seemed laugh-out-loud funny then and are even funnier now. So let's just say that not all of Ma Gartner's sons are business geniuses.

The Macalope is in general agreement with Jupiter Research's David Card that today's announcement of hot four-way action between MySpace, Sony BMG, Universal and Warner could be huge. The reason, of course, is because the kids love the MySpace. There are also a lot of details missing and there's plenty of room for them to screw this up, as is frequently their wont.

But the horny one had to chuckle at the press release on Warner's web site:

"MySpace Music" Empowers Artists and Consumers Globally With Unprecedented Digital Music Service and E-Commerce Platform

New Company to Leverage 30 Million Unique MySpace Music Traffic to Activate Monetization Around Music Content

Boy, they really know how to talk to their customers, don't they? The Macalope doesn't know about MySpace users, but when he hears that there's a new service that "empowers" "content" "monetization" through "e-commerce", he just wants to rush right out and cut himself off a slice of that!

The Macalope realizes press releases are not really directed at customers, but they do get put into news reports that customers read. You'd never see a press release from Apple like that. Maybe that's one of the reasons why Apple's the number one music retailer in the U.S.

It seems that Microsoft's Scott Rockfeld was talking some smack about the iPhone at the London launch of Windows Mobile 6.1.

"We are not at all worried. We think we've got the one mobile platform you'll use for the rest of your life."

"Here lies Ted. He used Windows Mobile." Yeesh. Thanks for the creepy marketing campaign, Microsoft.

However Rockfeld was quick to dash Apple's hopes of dominating the smartphone market...

Uh, that should probably be "quick to try to dash Apple's hopes". The Macalope expects that if one were to drive over to One Infinite Loop right now, Steve Jobs wouldn't exactly be sobbing into his falafel.

"They are not going to catch up", he said before reminding us that Microsoft shifted more licences of its mobile platform than RIM and Apple did handsets put together last year.

"Shifted" should probably have been "shipped" there [in comments, shedside indicates that this is a Britishism] but, knowing Microsoft and how it uses its channels, maybe "shifted" is right. "Watch the lady! Watch the lady!"

But what's wrong with that statistic Rockfeld's running up the flag pole there? Well, he kind of sort of left out the fact that the iPhone didn't ship until mid-way through 2007.

If you look at the fourth quarter -- you know, the most recent quarter we have data for -- you'll see that Microsoft had 12% of the global smartphone market, RIM had 11% ... Read more

Yesterday ComputerWorld brought us 5 reasons to ditch the Mac and return to PCs (tip o' the antlers to John Gruber via email). And, sadly, they weren't April foolin' us.

Listen, then, Mac user to the tale of one "Mac fan" who switched... back! (Please shoot the Macalope now.)

So while Apple's sales continue to grow, Keanini decided to buck the trend, and gave up on his most recent Apple machine, an Intel dual-core based MacBook Pro.

That seems like kind of a waste since he could have just used Boot Camp to run Windows on it, but whatever.

"I am all PC at home and at work now, because frankly, if I'm not working, I'm gaming. And the Mac doesn't have games," Keanini said, though his household still has three Apple machines in use by other family members.

One really wonders why Keanini switched to the Mac in the first place. It's not as if it was a great gaming platform back in 2001 when he says he first started using Macs.

It's easy to fall in love with the aluminum cases used in Mac hardware and the slick interface design of the Mac OS X, Keanini said. Those are two reasons why more people are moving to Apple products...

This article is really confusing. Are we talking about home users or business users? Because home users can certainly be excused for making decisions based on the "It's shiny!" index, but ... Read more