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Would you have done that to your daugther's laptop?

by Lee Koo (ADMIN) CNET staff/forum admin / February 13, 2012 8:54 AM PST

To give you some context to this poll, read this blog here:
Teen whines about parents on Facebook, dad shoots laptop

Would you have done what father Tommy Jordan did to his daughter's laptop?


-- Yes. (Shot the laptop? Or something else?)
-- No. (Why not? What would you had done differently?)
-- It depends. (Depends on what?)
-- I don't know; I'm not a parent yet. (Let's pretend you were, would you?)

Note: This post was edited by its original author to edit one of the selections on 02/14/2012 at 9:28 AM PT

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No.
by MarkFlax Forum moderator / February 13, 2012 7:45 PM PST

No, for all so many reasons, but after watching the video of his message to his daughter and his reasons it would seem to me there is no 'give and take' by either party.

Those issues needed to be resolved, but I might guess that is now not possible after this public display.

Mark

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Use the time you have wisely!
by howkensea / February 14, 2012 2:35 AM PST
In reply to: No.

What most people fail to realize about this entire situation is that it is too late for the parent and teen to "fix" this. This is a pattern that was developed from a small child. We as parents have a relatively small window to teach our kids to be reponsible adults. However, most parents think that we should start teaching that when they become teenagers! I have two grandsons, 6 and 4. When we go out in public, they know that when they address an adult they say "Excuse me, Sir" or "Excuse me, M'am" when they talk. There is no "Hey...Dude!". They don't do this out of fear of reprisal. They do it because they were taught that is the right thing to do. When they see a female going in someplace when they are, they move aside and let the woman or girl go first. Why? Because it is the right thing to do. I am trying to instill values in them that have to last a lifetime! Like it or not, our children will be taking over for us one day. What kind of leaders are we training them to be? If you want to be a good leader, you have to first be a good servant! You have to lead by example, not by dictatorship or threats. Those will only get you so far. It's too late for this teen and her Dad. But if you have young children, it is NOT too late for you or for them!

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Too late
by DM_Deleter / February 14, 2012 2:55 AM PST

It is never too late. It might take time for the wounds to heal but both sides must think of the possibility that they might need each other later on in life.

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too late
by ozvaleron / February 14, 2012 5:54 AM PST

It may be more difficult - but too late?
My children were taught to respect from an early age... and the manner of teaching altered as the child matured. I see how their children are today, based on how THEY have been taught, and I am saddened for one, heartened for the other!

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Agree with howkensea
by jolkay / February 14, 2012 8:04 AM PST
A child has to be taught from early on, what is allowed and what isn't. Once a kid gets into teen- age and there is no respect between parent and child. Then you can only hope, that once she/he is an adult she will recognize immature behavior and adjust it on their own. Best words you can hear from a grown kid - mom/dad I am sure glad you you did what you did.

Some parents don't realize that raising a child starts when that child is born and lasts a long long time. My kids are all adults now and they are set in their ways so I can only hope and pray for them. They will have to live with the mistakes they have made and go on from there. I just hope I live long enough t see them as full-fledged adults.
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When to Raise Children
by davidaharon / February 15, 2012 3:56 AM PST
In reply to: Agree with howkensea

I'd like to suggest that Jolkay has not gone far enough as to when to start raising early enough ... Discipline begins as preparation long before the child is conceived... it begins with the couple disciplining themselves for the roles of model husbands and wives in anticipation of becoming a mother or father to the newborn child ... and if they believe in an unseen being who is constantly suggesting ways to live in harmony they will receive help from him. without discussing the deep philosophical concepts here, it would be wise for a harmonious relationship between the spouses to exist before bringing a child who is building block of the home.

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Parents to be Help Responsible for Teens' Behavior
by Hsiung / February 14, 2012 4:33 PM PST

It is rare to hear people like "HowKensea". Parents are either too busy with their lives to pay attention to their children. Parenting is a responsibility that should be taken seriously. At least, that's my take on the issue from my part of the world. I am a teacher. At school, we, teachers and administrators, are strict to discipline these children and teens. But guess what, the parents, either due to ignorance or laziness, pay us teachers more to teach these kids after school at fees beyond what we'd earn from being "real" teachers. As a paid after school teacher, I have to cater to the whims of the students, some of whom are also my day time students. They transform into devilish creatures because during the day, if they break school rules, I can give them detention slips, but outside the school, I am at their mercy (depending on my tolerance in order to get them to continue studying with me). Before a private teaching arrangement can occur, many times, the mothers want me to come to see their children or teens first to see if the latter like me. How about that? Of course, some highly dignified people can say that no self-respecting teachers will stand for that. I do. But once I get the pupils' attention and trust as their private teacher, I then slowly instill my life lessons to them--morals and decorum. (I also lecture part time Ethics at a college). But how many teachers do like I do? Teens once they realize that they can "buy" you (as in your services), they become very condescending.

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Childrean
by Polarbear1922 / February 14, 2012 2:45 AM PST
In reply to: No.

I may be old fashioned but surely the daughter should as a matter of course listen to her `father.Its a pity that the saying "little children should be seen and not heard" no longer seems to come into the question.The Father is there to guide the child.

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Children
by oharras / February 14, 2012 3:08 AM PST
In reply to: Childrean

Polarbear1922, you are not old fashioned, parenting, unfortunately is not like it was years ago, parentws provide for their children and the child does not run the household unless the parents let them. Parents are too busy today to parent, we have many liberal policies that interfere with parenting, and today's parents do too much protecting of kids, for they are too soft and privileged. This is what will be running the country decades from now. I would have removed all her teen toys, would not have shot the laptop--I would have taken it for myself and she would have to find a way to work to pay for her toys. Cell phone, car, computers, tablets, video games, etc, etc. too much. My children had to work outside the home for the extra things they wanted, family expenses did not allow for extras.

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Oldfashioned? Fair enough, but ...
by Gerdd / February 14, 2012 3:49 AM PST
In reply to: Childrean

... Would you want trigger happy old fools like that "guiding" children? Not even their own - it would be so unfair.

Yes, children need to be educated on values and how to behave. But I never believed in the "inaudible child" model. If they have feelings - and any human needs to have feelings, irrespective of age - they need to have the right to express them. No question, there are right ways abd wrong ways to express your feelings. Firing guns, as it happens, is among the very wrong ways - much worse than dissing daddy on Facebook.

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In my country Dad would already be sitting in jail!!
by porthome / February 14, 2012 5:28 AM PST
In reply to: No.

Canadians are typically appalled by the free and easy legal 'right' to own and carry handguns that is so common in the United States. This incident sets a bad example in too many ways to enumerate, but let's suppose this redneck was only slightly crazier and shot his daughter instead of her laptop. That would sure teach her a lesson, wouldn't it?

Perry B

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no give or take
by ozvaleron / February 14, 2012 5:51 AM PST
In reply to: No.

I agree the father's actions seem extreme, and destroying the laptop is a fairly dramatic act. It's impossible to know what went on before this, but a teenage daughter can be VERY trying. You can hear the frustration and disappointment in the father's voice, obviously this has affected him deeply. I would think that destroying a piece of equipment that HE bought is far more preferable than, say, shooting his rebellious daughter though!

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Shooting the Laptop? H3LL YEAH I WOULD
by Zolar_1 / February 14, 2012 11:26 AM PST
In reply to: No.

It sends a very CLEAR message as to WHO is in charge and not to violate the parent's privacy.
Now, since she abused her privileges and her laptop was destroyed, I feel that FURTHER punishment is in order. It make no difference what age anyone is. You MUST have respect for authority, no if's, and's or butt's. It is teaching the kid a life's lesson. What the kid did was intolerable. The damage done to the parents is going to be in the cyberworld forever. What if YOUR kid posted something private about YOU on the internet? Let's say you were in the public eye. How much damage would be done to your career? Or to your company? The BS about teens being teens is just someone making an excuse for bad behavior. STOP coddling teens. Teach and discipline them NOW and just maybe they will be good people when they get older. I feel that the internet should be for adults 21 and older. I also feel that no one under 21 should have a cell phone either. Those are privileges, NOT RIGHTS. The small window to teach kids isn't as small as you would think. Even adults can be taught a lesson about respecting authority.
I won't let my son have a laptop. He can buy one on his own when he moves OUT of the house. It is pretty bad that you have to guard yourselves from your own kids. I would have made sure the daughter was there when I shot the laptop. And video tape her reactions before, during, and after, including grounding her ON VIDEO. Then play it for all to see on the internet. Since when do the kids rule the parents? When that day comes I will get 'fixed' and kick them to the curb. About both sides taking responsibility. Apparently those people who feel that way are in need of some old school parenting classes. The PARENTS are in charge. The PARENTS need not take responsibility for squat. Everything the kid owns belongs to the parents. Including their cell phone and laptop. If the father felt that it was better to shoot the laptop than shoot the kid, how would you feel then? Best rule of thumb: children (including teens) should be seen and NOT heard. Shooting the laptop was a permanent solution for a problem. The kids think they have the rights of an adult, thanks to the friggin courts. About being extorted out of money - the kid was obviously trying to extort the parents. This is a serious offense. The kid has responsibilities in the household. Kids do NOT need money. They WANT money. Most of these issues can be solved by eliminating ALL rights for those under 18, except basic food, shelter, medical care. If they can't buy anything in the stores then what use would money be to them then? Then at 18, a gradual step up to full adult rights over the next 3 years would work. Shooting the laptop wasn't about money. It was about authority and exactly WHO is in charge. Parents have a legal, moral and genetic duty to raise and discipline their kids as they see the need. You coddle the kids now and they become government handout recipient handouts later. Kids will expect a free ride in life because parents give the kids far too much freedom. This sends the wrong message. I could write enough to fill a hard drive on this. But those who believe int eh psychobabble that the doctors are spewing out these days have been brainwashed into thinking that 'talking' will solve all the problems. It won't. Whatever happened to ethics? Apparently no one seems to know any more or their children would. If you raise a mouthy lazy disrespectful kid now, just how will they be able to keep a job later? No employer wants to babysit an employee. Just remember - your kid has INSIDE info on YOU. If you don't snap them back hard and fast, YOUR career could be in jeopardy. And possibly your business too. Kids should keep their mouths SHUT. If they got time for facebook and other time wasters then they got time to do extra chores and double or triple the amount of homework. Maybe they will become someone who can be productive in society instead of a leech.

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One way out
by retreaded / February 17, 2012 5:45 AM PST

Yeah! Teach her that when there is something really upsets her, SHOOT IT! Watch out dad, she may be a smarter student than you think!

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One other alternative
by Dutchmants / February 14, 2012 2:28 AM PST

The other alternative he might have considered take the laptop away from her tell OK I'll pay you for your chores and you can have the laptop back when you earn enough to pay for it. Oh and take away her ipod and any other devices or things beyond basic food and clothing she might have.

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Problem with that
by Zolar_1 / February 14, 2012 11:30 AM PST
In reply to: One other alternative

They would either expect it back or steal it back.
Make all social networking sites require a credit card for age verification. Anyone under 18 then NO ACCESS. Problem solved. I surely wouldn't pay her a dime after what she did. She betrayed not only the family's trust she disrespected her father. Trust is extremely important, and so is PRIVACY - the family's privacy. No law says you have to let your kid get online. No law says you have to give your kids time alone. I would be right up her proverbial a$$ till H3LL freezes over, jut to instill a point - don't 'F' with dad.

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Steal it back?
by 4Denise / February 14, 2012 1:57 PM PST
In reply to: Problem with that

If you raised your kids to think that they can steal from their parents, then it is way too late to reverse that at 15 or 16. Sorry, you raise your kids when they are children. If you don't do it then, it is never going to happen. I don't dispute that the father had the right to destroy the laptop, but I wouldn't have done it. I would have taken it away (along with all her other electronic gadgets) for however long I thought appropriate (meaning it could have been forever, by the way), but I would not expect my kids to steal them back. My kids would have never done such a thing. They might have complained about me-- all kids do that, like it or not-- but they never would have stolen from me. I raised them at the appropriate time in the appropriate way like a parent should. They also knew that if I said they couldn't have it back, then they weren't getting it back. I didn't make casual threats.

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wasteful
by calleggra / February 14, 2012 2:33 AM PST

better to take the laptop away and give to someone more deserving. americans, as a general rule, are wasteful enough as it is. and let's face it - any violent act that one does sets an example for someone else. there is enough of that going around. other than that, i don't have a problem with the father's public humiliation of his daughter - she was already warned once. after watching his video, i couldn't help thinking that he was at the end of his rope, he could hardly speak straight sentences. perhaps in retrospect, he may think that what he did was a bit extreme.

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I Agree
by colaboy29 / February 14, 2012 3:21 AM PST
In reply to: wasteful

I totally agree. The laptop could have been donated to a school or charity [tax write-off]. Or sell the thing on eBay.

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donating -
by Zolar_1 / February 14, 2012 11:33 AM PST
In reply to: I Agree

This doesn't cure the problem. They see that the laptop is still around and that there is hope for recovery. Destroy the laptop and it sens a clear message that the father's decision is FINAL. Since the laptop was destroyed. I wouldn't donate a laptop to anyone. If a person cannot afford one they surely don't need one. All you do by donating is give the problem to someone else's family. And the problems with society continue.

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Donating
by leszek68 / February 19, 2012 11:45 PM PST
In reply to: donating -

Exactly. If the father bought the laptop, he can do whatever he darn wells pleases. I may not have shot it, but I totally agree that the incident needed to be handled in a way that truly makes the girl remember to not "F" with Dad. There is a clear lack of fear to do wrong that has become norm in recent decades. Punishment of all sorts, from punishing kids to punishing convicted criminals, needs to be more severe and less "oh thats just not right, let rehabilitate them". These days you might possibly have your kids taken away if you give them a smack on the butt because they crossed the line. We also are just so darn quick to diagnose kids with "problems that need special help" because they are misbehaved. I have a 21 year old that was just as whiney if not worse than the average teen, but she knew better than to disrespect us. And we never had to spank her. But she always knew the possibility was there if she crossed the line. We also have a 6 year old who has never been spanked, but also knows not to cross the line. If he ever tries to "stand up defiantly" my wife threatens to "count to three". He has no idea what happens when she gets to three. She has never made it past two. But, maybe, just maybe, she will make it to three someday. If that happens, then he will get punished severly enough that he will never again want to make it to three. I am basically a parent the second time around. My son has six misbehaved kids in his class that are deemed "autistic". I truly feel for parents that have kids that really are autistic, and I also feel for parents of kids that are "a handful", however, at least four of these kids are not autistic, they are simply a handful. But, this autistic title gives them a free pass to misbehave. I have personnaly spent hours and hours in the class as a concerned parent and it is clear which kids have a problem and which ones simply misbehave. When I was a kid growing up, there were kids obvious problems from birth, kids with learning dissabilities, and kids that simply mis-behaved. Those kids went to the pricipals office nearly every day and were punished. I knew a few of them and they have grown to be responsible law abiding hard working citizens. Now we simply coddle these brats and try to convince everyone it's okay, they just have a problem. Think its a problem now? Wait until they get a bit older! Quite simply, we need have more "in your face" punishment to get kids to learn respect. I am a hand gun owner and agree that blasting away at it might be a bit extreme, and at my home it would be because mine are locked away at all times, but if that is the fathers hobby and the way the father wanted to handle it, so be it. I am into dirt bikes and race cars. I would have either set it up as a dirt bike landing or I would have done burnouts on it at the local drag strip. Lastly, I totally agree with Zolar. If you truly have need for a $350 laptop, you can find a way to pay for it. It is not a need. You can donate cloths and food, maybe a toy here and there, but donating things like laptops and phones is just another example of enabling. Man, this went on much longer than I expected.

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No.
by Wandula / February 14, 2012 2:35 AM PST

I would have just taken the thing away and donated it to Goodwill or some other charity.

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Destroying a perfectly good laptop?
by Kirstensollie / February 14, 2012 2:37 AM PST

If he wanted to teach her a permanent lesson, he could have given the lapto to some less fortunate kid or taken it away until she understood that having a computer is a privilege. Destroying property is not the lesson we want to teach our kids, no matter how mad we are (mother of 3 teens and a 10 yr. old)

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No, and I think my reasoning is sound
by 4Denise / February 14, 2012 2:42 AM PST

Okay, so the daughter was whiny and disrespectful. She sounds like an idiot. However, she was just venting, and it is important that people have the ability to do that. She wasn't being directly disrespectful or even undermining her parents. She was doing what we all do when we are upset and frustrated. I recall a time when I was in the middle of a fight with my husband. I was in the kitchen, writing to blow off steam. Nobody but me was ever supposed to read it. He came in, grabbed the paper and read it over my objections. He tore it up and said that I had no right to feel that way. No right? I not only had the right to feel whatever my feelings were, I had reason to feel them! Is a teenager any different? She screwed up by posting her rant publicly, but she is not experienced enough to understand why she shouldn't do it. Her parents should have posted a reply and talked to her, or else just talked to her without defending themselves at all. They could have taken the laptop away for a period of time or indefinitely if they felt that it was needed. All this father accomplished was teaching his daughter that adults are just as childish as teenagers, and they fly off the handle and do stupid things just as fast. I don't blame him for being upset, but telling a teenager that they can't have feelings or express them is not good parenting.

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I agree with the father, but not shooting it
by Rita Deguara / February 14, 2012 7:55 AM PST

I see your point and the father's too. Why do they have to use facebook and the go between? it is so sick reading other people's problems on facebook. It's not only teenagers, but adults too. They argue and tell you their life stories. Why can't they use at least a private message, do they have to tell the whole world about their problems. The problems started at home, so deal with them at home.
With him shooting it, well, he's probably paid for it anyway, so he's the one that lost,
Kids today have more things that they can handle, they get overwhelmed and want to use them any way they can. Parents should stop buying all these things for their kids until they are responsible enough to use them properly.
I think in this case, they're both losers

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Wise decision
by Zolar_1 / February 14, 2012 11:36 AM PST

Privileges should be earned. Parents - keep on giving stuff to your kids and they will grow thinking they are 'entitled' to everything. This is one of the BIGGEST problems we face in society - entitlement mentality.

I have talked about the evils and social ills that all social networking causes. Now everyone is beginning to realize that I was right all along.

Maybe all social networking should be banned. Go back to emails.

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No way..Tommy
by Brunel2 / February 14, 2012 2:44 AM PST

What an over reaction! This Dad behaved as badly as his daughter! Has he not heard of discussion, reasoning or respect? (respect for himself as well as his family) He has not shown his daughter how to resolve seemingly impossible situations except by over-reaction and violence. What a shame.
Ok, the child seems to be self centred and disrespectful......but you know, the apple doesn't fall from the tree. Does it?
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Would you have done that to your daughters laptop ?
by Phil_K5 / February 14, 2012 2:45 AM PST

No...and why are we even saying yes or no ?
Im not a yank, so don't believe a gun is a valid and reasonable form of punishment.
Absolutely ridiculous you have so many voting "yes" and doesn't say much for Americans (for so they would most certainly be - the gun obsessed) that its so high.
Whining daughters are all over the west because they've been brainwashed into thinking the world should kow-tow to them, for just existing.
Hang on....thats what Americans all think..... LaughSilly

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Ahhh. My sentiments exactly (almost?)
by Zolar_1 / February 14, 2012 11:47 AM PST

The gun represents a permanent and FINAL solution to a problem. Now, no one can use it. I would give her the pieces and make a glass case to put them in, and place them where she can see them as much as possible.

We are gun obsessed as you call it because our constitution allows us to be that way and our government can be subdued if they become a dictatorship. This goes back to the revolutionary war when England wanted to take all the guns away. That way they had absolute authority over the colonies and no resistance to speak of. This is so important an issue that it is second only to free speech/religion.

Using a gun in this case is a valid form of punishment. No violence was directed at her. It was directed at the laptop and internet. She now knows there there is no hope for that laptop to be recovered and reused. The action was a symbol by the father. Extreme - yes. Necessary? Well, since we don't know all the facts, then yes. It was necessary because things apparently got so bad that the father had little other choice to make his statement clearly known to his daughter and anyone else viewing his video.
Kids try to kow-tow the parents because our idiot court system believes in all the psychobabble BS that is spewed out by doctors. There is an ancient book that tells exactly how you should raise your kids. It has been around for thousands of years. And it worked all the way up till the doctors and courts decided that they didn't want to follow it.

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Respond to would you have done that to your daughters laptop
by Eucman / February 14, 2012 2:46 AM PST

Somebody has to be the parent, plus you paid for the laptop why shoot it? Money's tight in this day and age? Plus do you really want to teach your child to shoot things that they get mad at? Everybody has an option to express themselves otherwise you are living in a repressed society. Let your daughter know that you are a parent and just take away the laptop, talk to your child, try communicating because if she really wants to get on Facebook, she will!

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