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Obama's State of the Union Two Years Ago

by James Denison / November 21, 2012 10:39 PM PST

Obama's election lead me to reconsider his promises and accomplishments of the past, which lead to me remembering his state of the union speech two years ago. Shall we review?

Ladies, Gentlemen, Congress, and assembled others;

I took office amid war, bad economy, bad financial system, and government debt. I acted immediately and aggressively and one year later we are worse off than before. You know because 10% of Americans can't find work, businesses have shut down, home values have plunged, and retirees and college kids are having problems.

I am not to blame.

Parents have their little children write me. These children of 8-9 years old are amazing in being able to express themselves so eloquently at a near college level grammar. One most eloquent child is named Ellie Light. I would like to read her letter, but since it's been published in numerous newspapers across the land I will only reference it. Basically they want to know why Mommy and Daddy have lost their subprime loan financed home, and they had to move back to a neighborhood more in keeping with their parent's income level.

Suffer the children.

We need to get over the politics that divide us, so I will offer my politics instead. We all have different stories, but my story is the one that counts. America remains doing Little League, helping neighbors and various other American type activities in spite of all I've failed to accomplish this year.

Let's talk economy and what I did. I gave you the bank bailout. Was that great or what?! (Hmm, I was expecting some applause on that one). OK, maybe it wasn't the best idea after all, but who knew?! Now those banks have pissed me off and I plan to get down and bad wit them. Since they gave me back all the money we used to try and control them, I'm going to sock it to them with a huge fee in the future. This could possibly be as successful as my health care plan. Won't that be something? You like that?

We cut taxes for 95 percent of American families. Suprisingly it seems when you are out of work you don't owe any income taxes. Isn't that great?

I thought I'd get some applause on that one. Oh well.....

Because of the steps we took over 2 million people are working that otherwise wouldn't be. We accomplished that while 4 million other people were losing their jobs. While I realize that leaves a job debt as total, let's not be negative, OK?

How about that Recovery Act?! You know, Roosevelt had one. That's right, he called it the NRA or National Recovery Act. It took over the Banks, took over Farm industry, took away your gold, created indentured servants to the federal government, and filled a big hole in Tennessee with water. Doesn't that sound great? Well, I've not quite done all that yet, but give me time.

Now, those big banks have flumoxed me and I've decided what community banks still remain around the US should be called on next to help me accomplish my goals. I've decided to steal a Republican tax position and propose we eliminate all capital gains taxes on small business investment and provide tax incentives for large business so all may invest in new plants to build new products the people don't have money to purchase right now. Eventually they will, right?

I'm going to build a big cool train set in Tampa. What'cha think about that one? Choo! choo! It will go really really fast. We want to be like those Europeans, don't we?

For those Americans who still have work, who have the newest and easiest homes to retrofit, let's help them make them even more energy concious. If you are living in a tent of course this doesn't apply to you. If you've lost your home mortage this won't apply to you. If you are a renter this won't apply to you.

We will place punitive tax burdens on companies who have taken jobs overseas, so they will completely leave and go overseas, and take their money with them. We don't need them here at all.

Seven million jobs lost in the past 2 years. I like to say past 2 years so I don't take all the blame. Actually most of those jobs were lost in the past year, by a large margin.

We have political gridlock. I'm certain I've done nothing to cause it. I blame others. It's hard to understand where such gridlock comes from since one party controlled the White House and Congress and Senate this past year, but I blame the other party. Don't you?

OK, I'm back to the banks. I just can't leave them alone. They've really pissed me off this past year. Whew, I just needed to say that one more time.

We need jobs in the field of energy, clean energy. We could easily create jobs in the field of oil based energy if we wanted but that would be too easy. I prefer to do things the hard way, sometimes the wrong way, but always my way. Sing it Frankie. Have you ever heard of clean coal? No? Well, neither have I but we're gonna do it and call it clean anyway. Paint things green and before long everyone will believe it. Did I mention biofuels? Did I leave any form of energy out?

This year I'm glad to help achieve bipartisan support in government by yelling about the Republicans and blasting Fox News, all at the same time. It's been great.

I will launch a five year plan, sort of like the socialist used to do, and call it a Doha trade agreement which will help us sell more exports to nations that may not want them.

Don't think I've forgotten to mess around in our school system. I've wanted to do that since the days of forced bussing. We will be messing around with Elementary and Secondary education in all 50 states too, not just college level.

National Health Care. Why is everyone so opposed to it? See my wife, I plan to turn her loose on all those "chicken fat" kids. Thank you, Honey. Now, I know that the majority of Americans are already covered with a health care plan, but I want to screw over those privileged Americans and their insurance companies so bad I can hardly stand it, on behalf of the few who don't have health care coverage. I won't tell you who those without health care coverage is, but contrary to rumor most of them are not druggies, unwed mothers, people on disciplinary probations, and other self made dregs of society. Yes, a few, even a few, are respectable. So, big mean insurance companies, you are targeted.

Chill out dudes! There's a lot of doctors and nurses who currently are barely making ends meet and want me to institute National Health Care. Many of them are at hospitals going bankrupt from all the illegal immigrants seeking free services, but that's a separate problem isn't it? Isn't it unfair to blame those illegal immigrants for what they've caused to our American health care system? Let's not walk away from reform, let's take control, er, I mean get it done. This will reduce our deficit by taking all the money that previously flowed for better health care to insurance companies and instead turn it into the government and you get a number to wait your turn for care along with all those illegal immigrants. Equality, the Socialist way!

I plan to freeze government spending. This will cause more jobs to be produced. See how that works? No? Well, let's just pretend it does.

I also asked and was rejected by the Senate for a Fiscal Commission, so I'll do it by Executive Order anyway. I intend to get my way on this. They will be in charge of investigating and correcting the costs of Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security. Now don't get all riled up you old folks, calm down, you won't lose a thing. I hope you believe that. Trust me.

I plan to reduce the govt debt by a novel move. Since we seem headed into a deflationary period, I can pay off debt and finance my social programs simply by printing more money and hoping it won't result in runaway inflation, too soon. Later you'll have to pay that back once it starts inflating the economy again.

We believe in openess and post all the White House visitors on our website. We didn't post those gate crashers though. Sometimes there can be too much openess.

I don't believe capitalist should bankroll elections in a capitalist society, but rather socialist aligned organizations should be the only ones allowed to do that. I'm going to try and subvert the Constitution as recently rediscovered by the Supreme Court and make that my new political aim.

Both parties have had a part in creating divisions. I'm glad I had no part in that. You hear that Fox News? I even have beer summits to wash my mouth out after putting foot in it. I blame others.

I think obstructing laws that are harmful to America makes some people unAmerican. I'm saying that because I realize the Senate is no longer filibuster proof. I realize we Democrats had all the power for a full year and these two sitting behind me accomplished a sum total of NOTHING in all that time. We can do better. We will do better. Please don't elect Republicans. Can't we all just get along? In the interest of bipartisanship I say we Democrats need to get it together and "No, I will not give up on trying to change the tone of our politics. I know it's an election year." See, I say it straight out, I never double talk. Now that the Republicans have 41 votes in the Senate and the Democrats have 59, I intend to blame the Republicans every chance I get when we Democrats fail to engage in bipartisan approach to government.

Security. I know that means a lot to America. Before the election I sort of hit Bush over Iraq, Afghanistan, tracking down terrorists, etc. I implied I would be different, nay, I even said I would do differently. I Lied. I'm doing the same damn things Bush was doing and I've even increased our presence and resources in those areas. Hmm, what can I say. Did I mention Security? So, as you see increased expansion, remember it's just a prelude to ending the war. OK? We are increasing pressures on North Korea and Iran as a prelude to ending war in the region. We can't just go to war, kick someone's butt, then come home. What would that accomplish? Victory?

We can't quit. We won't quit. I won't quit. Let's move forward. Grab your hammers and sickles, hoist those flags high, march into glory. Thank you. God bless you. And God bless the Socialist States of America.

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(NT) Are you claiming this is yours, or do you have a link?
by JP Bill / November 21, 2012 11:04 PM PST
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It was his first State of the Union speech...
by James Denison / November 22, 2012 1:23 AM PST

....which I changed around some. I'll be waiting to do a followup on his new First State of the Union Speech in January for his new presidential term.

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Oh goodie
by Josh K / November 25, 2012 3:20 AM PST

I wait with bated breath for your rewrite of his next one.


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I'm glad you finally
by James Denison / November 25, 2012 9:35 AM PST
In reply to: Oh goodie

got the right "bate" for your breath this time, LOL. Wink

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OK.................I see what you're doing.
by JP Bill / November 21, 2012 11:25 PM PST

You're rebutting the Presidents State of the Onion speech.

It looked like he was arguing with himself.

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Oh, fold it six ways and stick it where the sun don't shine.
by Ziks511 / November 23, 2012 2:31 PM PST

Nothing will ever please you James, certainly not with this President, or with a freely elected Congress about whom you complain when you don't mind the President. If things did please you, I suspect that the US would be some sort of dictatorship or Oligarchy. Get over yourself. The election is still over, you lost, move on.


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Move on?
by James Denison / November 24, 2012 1:45 PM PST

To Canada? Hmm, they sure need some help getting things fixed up there, that's for sure!

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Yeah, no bank collapse, good employment, a social safety net
by Ziks511 / November 25, 2012 5:59 PM PST
In reply to: Move on?

Health Care, Pensions, rising house prices, no foreclosures. A government shooting for a balanced budget again.

I'm sure a Bushy Reaganite could find lots to ruin up here.

Stay away, James. Stay very far away.

Of course Canada has its own Right Wing repellant. People often get north of the border, and go "What's that smell." Now, Always assuming they're not in a Paper Mill Town like Cornwall, or a Steel Town like Hamilton which despite Stephen Colbert, is where the enema goes (not Windsor, Steven C.). It's the smell of fresh air that incapacitates them. Republicans who cannot see a National Forest without wanting to cut it down, a glorious piece of relatively unspoiled land without wanting to stick Oil Derricks all over it, find Canada's clean air anathema. It's sort of like a Vampire breathing in aerosolized Holy Water, or their recognizing that all those trees could quickly be made into warding crosses. They pretend to read the newspapers and say, "This place is too ******* clean and socialist for me and the people are way too f@&*^@! polite. What are they f@&*^@! zombies?" And somehow they just drift back over the border. Ever read Frank Herbert's The Santaroga Barrier? It's kind of like that.

USofV The United States of Vampirism? Nah, couldn't be.


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I can tell that must be true
by James Denison / November 25, 2012 9:12 PM PST

from the politeness that simply oozes forth from you all the time. Any other lies for us to believe in?

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Or the way
by TONI H / November 24, 2012 6:43 PM PST

you complained about the SCOTUS ruling on SuperPacs.......but loved the hell out of them over Obamacare?

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You would rather the wealthy corporations
by Diana Forum moderator / November 24, 2012 10:17 PM PST
In reply to: Or the way

running elections than making sure most people had healthcare?

I don't want to live in your world.


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I didn't say that at all
by TONI H / November 24, 2012 10:59 PM PST

I was only pointing out that Rob has a way of agreeing with one decision and damning the court for another........but doesn't afford anyone else in SE the ability to also complain or praise the same system without damning that person with no uncertain terms.

As for 'making sure most people had healthcare'.......do you honestly believe that Obamacare is going to do that? From what I'm reading and seeing, more people will end up with no healthcare because of it, more people will lose their jobs because of it, and more businesses will either never start up or will close because of it.

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I was reading about this guy that owned a lot
by Diana Forum moderator / November 24, 2012 11:04 PM PST

of restaurants that said that he was going to charge 5% more for his meals so he could pay for Obamacare. He also said that he was going to make sure that most of his full time workers would work less than 30 hours a week so he wouldn't have to provide health care.

Am I the only one that sees the oxymoronic part of those statements?


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(NT) I guess I miss how it's "oxymoronic"?
by James Denison / November 25, 2012 12:40 AM PST
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It's an oxymoronic because
by Diana Forum moderator / November 25, 2012 8:52 AM PST

he's going to raise the prices because of Obamacare but he's going to cut back on hours so he doesn't have to pay for Obamacare. So the increase is pure profit.


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(NT) OK, I can see that
by James Denison / November 25, 2012 9:33 AM PST
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Perhaps he was talking about
by TONI H / November 25, 2012 1:32 AM PST

having to pay the fines imposed because he has more than 49 total workers?

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So they cut back on staff hours?
by JP Bill / November 25, 2012 6:12 AM PST

I guess before Obamacare the staff having their hours cut weren't doing anything/standing around for the hours they are being cut back.

Reduce service, increase prices...that sounds like a recipe for success.

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by TONI H / November 25, 2012 7:19 AM PST

requires hospitalization for fulltime employees...part-time, not so much. Cut back first on the number of employees that are fulltime now and the ones that stay on full time, drop their insurance and pay the fine of $2000 per employee. Makes good business sense in order to stay afloat.......but thank Obamacare for it all since they seemed to be doing quite nicely before it became the law. Like BO keeps saying.......elections and votes have consequences; but he never seemed to care that the ones that would be eating the punishment for his agenda would be the labor force, and all those middle class income people who are now going hunting for insurance when they didn't need to before BO because they already had it.

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You know, I've wondered why business
by Roger NC / November 25, 2012 12:01 PM PST
In reply to: Obamacare

didn't like the idea of government run healtch care, they're always bitching about the advantage oversea company had not having to provide health care.

And for those not covered by work place insurance, isn't requiring them to buy insurance requiring them to take personal responsbililty?

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That's why I don't understand the objections to "Obamacare"
by Josh K / November 25, 2012 10:26 PM PST

It isn't socialism; in fact it's the opposite. It forces people to take personal responsibility so that the rest of us don't have to keep paying for their heath care.

The businesses complaining about it are complaining that their free ride is ending. Ironic, isn't it, since the Right is always going on about "entitlements" as part of their current talking points.

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But it also
by TONI H / November 25, 2012 10:52 PM PST

forces businesses into situations that aren't healthy for them business-wise. Obamacare insists that businesses cover employees, when they have more than 49) based on 'one size fits all' rather than have multiple policies for employees to pick from that best suits their households......and the policy has to meet certain requirements of Obamacare, which aren't even written yet and are so vague that businesses don't know if the policy(ies) they already have in place will meet those requirements. It's easier for businesses to just drop the coverage completely and pay the already known penalty for each employee and dump the employee into a position of having to scout around for their own insurance, either privately (far more expensive than what the employer offered most times via a group rate) or go to the Obamacare exchanges. And a majority of the states now are telling the Feds to set those up themselves rather than burden the state with that cost and effort......so instead of each state individually having the cost burden, the Feds will take their time setting up the exchanges and all states collectively will bare the cost, including the states that have set up the exchanges or are in the process of doing that so some states will end up taxing their citizens twice to pay for the Feds in other states setting them up. Plus Obamacare has already implemented two of their own health plans, in direct competition with private insurers.......and as those go forwards, eventually they will drive the private insurance companies out of business with tens of thousands of people out of work because of it. Plus there will be tens of thousands of young people under 30 who will NOT buy their own insurance....many of whom are already covered by their employers and will be dropped....

Please keep explaining to those of us to saw this coming how Obamacare is still a good thing? Obamacare is just like Unions.......force businesses into a corner long enough and hard enough and they eventually fight back just as hard, even if it means closing down shop for good and putting people out of work or downsize to under 50 employees and put fulltime onto parttime just to keep getting around that force. People who had jobs, people who had hospitalization via the employer, people who may be old enough to retire and go on social security and medicare on early retirement adding to the deficit now when it wasn't necessary, people who aren't adding to the economy at all now, people who are on unemployment benefits for 99 weeks, people who are on other government dole programs and no longer able to pay into the tax/revenue side.

Keep trying to explain to all of us who saw this train wreck coming how Obamacare is a good thing.......Businesses are not stupid, Josh........they will keep finding ways to survive if they can, and the economy will continue to tank until the Dems have nothing and nobody to collect from anymore. Thatcher told you all years ago........take enough from those who have it, and you eventually run out of other people's money.

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The deals and bribes it took to pass
by Roger NC / November 26, 2012 9:02 AM PST

are enough to make anyone doubt it's the best answer, even before you start analyzing it.

However, I've seen what medical cost can be the last decade by those close around me. I was fortunate that I have good insurance as far as my wife's illness and death.

I've seen people that didn't have special skills but were hard workers have crappy insurance because they were unskilled labor with companies that relied on cheap labor and low cost to make their money.

I've seen people that worked all their life and didn't live extravangantly not have anything when they got too sick to work.

Something needs to done, everything just seems to have more downs than ups.

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I remember reading a while back that the
by Diana Forum moderator / November 26, 2012 9:13 AM PST

biggest reason for bankruptcy was medical expenses. Something needs to be done. Obama came up with an idea and it was passed. Do you have a better idea?


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(NT) Nope, you're not. But that's Conservative discourse. Crazy
by Ziks511 / November 25, 2012 6:02 PM PST
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And he's an expert on crazy
by James Denison / November 25, 2012 9:13 PM PST
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(NT) No, are you leaving?
by Diana Forum moderator / November 25, 2012 8:53 AM PST
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you are replying to something
by James Denison / November 25, 2012 9:38 AM PST
In reply to: No, are you leaving?
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(NT) It was there when I replied.
by Diana Forum moderator / November 26, 2012 1:02 AM PST
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