Match.com will find you someone who looks like your ex
Partnering with a facial recognition company, the dating site reportedly wants to help you get over your ex by finding you a duplicate (for a mere $5,000.)
Do you struggle with habitual behavior?
Do you go to the same coffee shop every day, eat the same breakfast every day and only date short people with the personal sensitivity of an owl, post-taxidermy?
So let's focus on that last one.
I have good news for you. Which, I think, is actually bad news for you. There's now a dating site that can find you someone who looks astonishingly like your ex.
That dating site is Match.com. Yes, the site where you can never really know if someone's single, married, or really looks their photo has decided that the next frontier in dating is to employ facial recognitions software.
As Mashable reports, Match has gotten together with facial recognition software company You Can Run But You Can't Hide -- I'm sorry, that should be facial software recognition company Three Day Rule -- to help you find a new someone who looks just like your old someone.
Three Day Rule's Talia Goldstein offered Mashable this nugget about love: "People have a type and it's not necessarily about height or race or hair color, but a lot of it is about face shape."
I confess I'd never thought about face shape before. I always thought I liked women who made me laugh, knew how to shut me up, and could run a mile in under four minutes (which many of them did).
I'd never wondered whether I enjoy a pointy chin more than a face that reminds me of the moon. Goldstein, though, says it's all about facial structure.
Some might balk at the idea that this fine, and no doubt technologically perfect, service costs a face-slapping $5,000.
I have another concern. Please lie down on my chaise-longue and I will explain.
There aren't too many reasons why your ex is now your ex. Either you decided you didn't love them or they decided they didn't love you.
In the former case, why look for someone who looks like the person you didn't want to be with anymore? In the latter, why would you want to be reminded of someone who rejected you in favor of a lap-dancing policeman?
Are we truly such masochists that we want to be constantly reminded of our lack of success? Do we behave in such consistently repetitive ways that, at heart, we are as dull as we seem on the outside?
Or are we always fooling ourselves that we have a certain type when we don't? We have no idea what's going to make us happy. And by our unimaginative choices, we perpetuate our own failures.
That's be $5,000 please.