In-home doughnut machine
Make a dozen doughnuts in less than six minutes with the Dough-Nu-Matic mini-doughnut maker.
In case you were wondering, there is a God.
The Dough-Nu-Matic, available via the SkyMall in-flight catalog, is a miniature version of the Krispy Kreme fryer/conveyor belt that forms and fries savory doughnuts.
For just $130, you can make very small doughnuts at the clip of a dozen every six minutes. That means you can eat 120 miniature doughnuts every hour without leaving your home. You can make doughnuts in your bathroom and eat them in the shower. You can place doughnuts on each of your fingers, then eat them off like the magical Mr. Doughnut Hands. You can buy a kiddie pool, fill it with doughnuts, and swim in it while wearing doughnuts as water wings.
Dials on the side of the machine let you adjust the cooking temperature, but alas, there is no "jelly" setting. You'll need to hollow out the doughnuts and inject jelly into them yourself.
You'll need your own dough, and SkyMall doesn't mention whether oil is included in the package. You may need that, too, but the machine's enclosed, covered oil fryer means you won't get splattered with hot oil while you watch the doughnuts get ready for business....the business of shoving them into your pie-hole.
I repeat: you can now make doughnuts in your home and eat the living hell out of them.