technically incorrect

The lovely thing about Google is its certainty.

At least, I think I'm sure about that.

Google's algorithms exist to take the weight from our minds and direct us to where we should be going and what we should be doing. It's a wonderful relief.

Recently, Google declared it could out-Kreskin the critics and the Hollywood marketing men, by predicting, with 94 percent accuracy, which movies would succeed.

It was easy, Google huffed haughtily. All it had to do was look at search patterns.

Conan O'Brien and his team are a touch skeptical of this claim. … Read more

I confess that I have never bought a Groupon, because it always seemed to require paying money to do something I didn't want to do.

I feared I might feel the same way about listening to former Groupon CEO Andrew Mason's new album "Hardly Workin'."

I had understood that Mason was a bit of a wag and a prankster, and I thought that when his opus hit iTunes Tuesday morning there might be, well, a Groupon. Or at least a deal.… Read more

One word rarely used to describe Kim Kardashian is "mousy."

Although, for all I know, that might be one of Kanye West's pet names for his beloved.

She has, though, clearly wormed her way into the Western frontal lobes with a gift she gave the next Steve Jobs for Father's Day.

Should you have been detained in a Russian airport with passport problems recently, you might not be aware that West has declared himself -- not once, but twice -- the next Steve Jobs.

Perhaps this, therefore, might have been Kimmy's motivation in purloining two … Read more

You are not going to bereefer this.

In fact, you might need to steady yourself by whatever means you normally choose to create a little peaceful comfort.

You see, a group of scientists have got together, studied the brains of pot smokers and decided that regular marijuanists have brains that enjoy deficiencies.

These, specifically, involve a stunted ability to synthesize dopamine, a little neurotransmitter which, when fed correctly, makes you want to start a company called Facebook, climb Kilimanjaro, or run the 100 meters in 8.2 seconds.

Yes, a blunt can blunt your need to succeed.

I am grateful to PopSci … Read more

I want to tell you what a politically neutral, entirely non-homophobic rant looks like on Twitter.

For the purposes of this exercise, please imagine your name isn't Tony Stark, but George Stark.

Here goes.

"I'm gonna find you, George Stark, you toxic little queen, and I'm gonna f*** ... you ... up."

Wait, I'm not finished.

"If [sic, probably wanted to say 'I'd'] put my foot up your f***ing a**, George Stark, but I'm sure you'd dig it too much."

Should you have been too busy celebrating, say, the Supreme … Read more

Tweets are the soundbites that you don't even chew over.

Before they even come into your head in some full form, you thrust them out onto the world in the hope of instant approbation.

You might imagine that rappers, who live in the rhythm of words, would all be Twittermeisters.

And yet one Philadelphia judge decided that Meek Mill, a rapper who hopes for an immodest future, needs a little help with his 140-character pronouncements.

As the Philadelphia Inquirer reports, Meek was put through the legal mill after allegedly violating his probation following drug and gun convictions.

One of … Read more

Honestly, that free speech thing can be tiresome.

People end up endlessly expressing themselves and, every second of the day, someone's going to get hurt. Online, that is.

It's too easy to take out your iPhone and type "you liberal pig Euro a***ole," or some other type of spontaneous flattery.

The island of Grenada has decided that it has had enough. Its lawmakers wish to designate the country a decorous online enclave in the midst of the vile, open-mouthed free-for-all that is the Web.

So they have passed a law that makes it a criminal … Read more

When a man called Jeff asks you to join him for a game of golf, you might agree.

However, when a robot called Jeff wants to accompany you to your local links, you'd better be prepared for losing a couple of links in the chain to your perfect swing and your mental equilibrium.

For Jeff the robot is a trash-talking, joyously mean-spirited golfing robot with a very well-honed swing.… Read more

If you happen to be involved in a trial that has severe racial overtones, you should perhaps know that mockery might not be the most appropriate mode of expression.

Don West, lawyer for George Zimmerman -- the man accused of murdering Trayvon Martin in Sanford, Fla. -- began his client's defense with a knock-knock joke, so perhaps the stage was already set for a different sort of theater.

You might imagine, though, that if you're a West family member, you'd temper your need to, say, leap to your favored social network to add to that mockery, with … Read more