fake

Tossing and turning at night because your one-armed, lumpy-felt-breasted girlfriend left town? Or just feeling extra creepy? Never fear, sad lonely person: The Deluxe Comfort Girlfriend Body Pillow is here. And it is just awful.

There's not much more to say, really, other than that if this is the deluxe version I'd hate to see what standard gets you. Available now at Sears (!) for just 10 bucks, plus all kinds of awkward explanations should a real human girl ever stop by.

This story originally appeared on Gizmodo.

Wilson is out today. He's supposedly covering the New York auto show for CNET TV, but we suspect that he's at home still trying to get the Cheeseburger Doritos flavor off his tongue from yesterday's episode. We aren't mad at him either, because Natali Del Conte steps into his shoes to sort out a few stories on today's episode, starting with a short explanation behind that "PC Load Letter" message you've probably seen on your office printer.

Immortalized in the classic scene from Office Space, Michael Bolton probably wouldn't have been so pissed if CNET's prestigious printer Editor Justin Yu was around to show him that "PC Load Letter" means you have to load letter-size paper into the Paper Cassette. It's that simple, now put the bat down.

The next story might not be so easy to explain. "Security experts" suspect that terrorists have plans to smuggle explosives onto planes using bombs in fake breast implants. Since you can apparently hide up to five ounces of pentaerythritol tetrabitrate (yes, from "Die Hard 3"), airline officials will likely start more "in-depth" examinations of women that have undergone breast augmentation surgery. No, this is not a ploy by Wilson G. Tang to make some money on the side, but we're still wondering if it's possible to feel the difference between silicone and pentaerythritol tetrabitrate..."Oh my!"

Some people just can't have a conversation online without punctuating their thoughts with a silly emoticon. In fact, as Natali tells us, there's even a new emoticon out now that conveys sarcasm! Theo Watson adds his own twist on the funny faces with a new Auto Smiley program that uses a Web cam to automatically insert a smileycon into whatever program you're using. You can download the app and source code here and enjoy your hands-free smiling!

Keep the e-mails and voice mails coming everyone! Call us up at 1-866-404-CNET or send a message to the404(at)cnetcom and let us know what's on your mind. We're starting to read listener e-mails on the air now, so make them good! As always, sticker pictures are appreciated as well, and don't forget about Steve Guttenberg's ongoing "Audiophillie" awards--we've already received submissions but you still have plenty of time to send yours in before the April 12 deadline, so get to work!

When the iPad is released on April 3, that wonderful cottage industry known as the accessories market will swing into high gear and try to capitalize on the popularity of Apple's hot new device. But unless you're Stephen Colbert at the Grammys or a few other select people, you're probably not getting anywhere near a working iPad until it starts shipping. So, how do accessory manufacturers manage to have their wares ready to go on launch day?

Well, they make their own iPads.

At least that's what Hard Candy Cases, which is known for its laptop … Read more

Wilson's made a fully recovery and is back on today's show, just in time to help us celebrate St. Patrick's Day! We're celebrating the best way we know how without actually drinking alcohol on the show--anyone else notice that Jeff looks eerily Irish today?

As usual, the episode collects the most random tech-related stories from the Internets, starting with a glimpse into the future of monitoring workday productivity. KDDI R&D Laboratory in Japan is testing a technology that lets managers check up on their drones using the accelerometer in corporate cell phones. The hardware tracks day-to-day movement and interactions and, in conjunction with desktop software, matches subsequent acceleration patterns and notifies managers if workers deviate from their regular tasks. Employers will also receive a notification e-mail if works attempt to skirt the system by "forgetting" their phones at home. We highly doubt that this will take off in the U.S., but I'm buying our IT guy a beer tomorrow just in case.

You'll notice watching today's video that none of us are wearing green, and that's partly because we're not 10 years old, and also because being green makes you mean! A new study suggests that eco-friendly consumers are more likely to cheat and lie, based on the idea that people have a "limited stock of goodwill" and that "being virtuous in one part of life leads to meanness in another." We all know a few entitled greenhorns, but what do you think? Do you buy this idea of "compensatory ethics?" Let us know in the comments below!

New Jersey might be the home of Jeff's favorite hockey team (and thanks to Che for the sticka pitcha you see over there <---), but it's also the home of Donna Simpson, a 600-pound woman attempting to break the record for world's fattest mother! We should note that she already holds the title but plans to reach 1,000 pounds with the support of her 150-pound husband.

Currently, her $750-per-week grocery bill is paid for by her Web site, where people pay to watch her eat via Webcam. This story has us all seriously questioning whether NDC and I should actually go through with this hot sauce competition.

We also have plenty of 404 stickers left, so send us a SASE and don't forget to send us a picture of where you stick them; there's a good chance I'll use it on a blog post! Unique, high-quality pictures in landscape are ideal. Send to the404(at)cnet[dot]com.

Happy St. Patty's Day, everyone! Be safe tonight, and don't drink and drive, dummy.

… Read more

Hunch, a buzzy start-up that answers questions using crowdsourced recommendations, has resolved one query of its own: who's going to fund our B round?

Sources tell me that Khosla Ventures is leading a new round that will add another $10 million to $12 million to the start-up's bank account. General Catalyst Partners, Bessemer Venture Partners, and Ron Conway, who put $2 million into the company a year ago, are reinvesting.

I'm told that Gideon Yu, the former chief financial officer of both Facebook and YouTube, is steering the investment for Khosla.

Hunch was co-founded by Caterina Fake, … Read more

For the second time in less than six months, visitors to the Drudge Report say they got malware in addition to the Web site's usual sensational headlines.

Matt Drudge denied that his site was infecting visitors, however it's likely that the malware is coming from ads delivered by a third-party ad network and not the site itself.

"I can personally vouch for disinfecting my mom's desktop yesterday after visiting this Web page, even taking a screenshot after beginning remedial steps to address the attempted infection," a CNET reader wrote in an e-mail early on Tuesday. &… Read more

Online scammers are taking advantage of the public's interest in the Google Doodle to spread malware, a security firm warned on Tuesday.

In so-called "SEO poisoning," scammers use search engine optimization techniques to increase the distribution of malware. They create special malware-rigged Web sites or hide malware on legitimate Web sites they've compromised and then use tags associated with popular search terms to get them listed high up in search engine results.

Typically, scammers capitalize on public interest in news events or celebrities, targeting searches like "Swine Flu" or "Michael Jackson death." … Read more

OK, we're not really sure what demographic this fake iPhone pocket scale is aiming for, and we also don't condone illegal drug use, but we still have to admit this is pretty funny stuff.

It's just what it appears to be: a fake iPhone that conceals a pocket scale for weighing minute quantities of, uh, cinnamon. Or oregano, maybe. For discreet chefs on the go. It was found on a shelf in a head shop in (where else?) Amsterdam. That said, I've actually seen one in a convenience store here in Seattle.

Really, though, an iPhone? … Read more

Facebook on Thursday fended off an attack in which multiple identical profiles were created to spread malware.

Antivirus provider AVG Technologies said users of its LinkScanner service detected numerous profiles that were identical except with different names and each included a link to what was represented as a home video but which instead displayed a fake antivirus alert when clicked. The scams are designed to trick people into paying for software they don't need, to get credit card information from victims for identity fraud purposes, and often to install spyware on the computer.

"Clearly, the Data Snatchers have … Read more