These are the times that try men's souls.
Never has a tablet purchase so vexed the collective nerd consciousness of this great nation. And Apple doesn't make it easy, does it? Its "new" tablet looks a hell of a lot like the old one, only heavier! It's like Apple is toying with us.
But have no fear. Using a bracing mixture of logic and cheapskate wisdom, I'll walk you though this paralyzing first-world dilemma.