No safety locks for the wired generation

Mobile Internet

The fast-growing mobile Internet, meanwhile, may pose even tougher challenges for parents because it adds portability, as well as richness and risk, to social networking, and makes rules such as "keep the home PC centrally located" seem quaintly archaic. Not only can kids get online at their friend's house, they can access the Web via browser-enabled cell phones and game devices.

Even gadgets such as the Sony PSP portable game player include chat capabilities via Bluetooth technology, which gives kids the ability to connect wirelessly to other players within a 300-foot radius. Nintendo's new game console, the Wii, includes a Web browser too.

In addition to the wireless reach of cell phones and games, free (or relatively inexpensive) broadband access is being rolled out in cities such as San Francisco, Philadelphia, and Anaheim, California. The goal: continuous, ubiquitous access. In this environment, child advocates say, parenting is more about media education and keeping lines of communication between parents and their kids open at all times.

"Fear doesn't work anymore. We can't send parents the message to be afraid, because if you're paralyzed by that, you overreact and shut down communication. Then the child goes into stealth mode--and it's very easy to function secretly online, at a friend's house, at hotspots. So it's very important to keep the lines of communication open," said Anne Collier, a child-safety advocate who runs the parent social network Blogsafety.org.

Needless to say, a child's desire for online privacy and attempts to regulate it often test parents' mettle.

John Carosella, chief technology officer of Internet filtering company Blue Coat Systems, took an open approach with his two teenage boys when they got their first laptops, letting them use the machines in the privacy of their bedroom. He quickly rescinded that privilege, however, when he found out his kids had had "inappropriate" chat sessions and were exposed to hardcore adult material. Although his initial response was to "freak out," Carosella said he then calmed down, installed monitoring software on the laptops and established house rules that he enforces.

"Every parent will tell you, if they've got teenagers, they've been through the mill," he said.

Carosella, who writes a blog on parenting, said that, unlike earlier generations, kids today aren't soaking up their family's value systems during after-dinner talks or on weekends, because that's when they go online and soak up their peer group's value systems.

He's found that the trick is not just to educate kids, but to get more involved in their lives and the community. That way, the community can help deal with online-behavior issues and enact change.

"We're in a deep shift in the efficacy of parenting and we're not even aware that the nature of technology has disempowered us as parents," he said. "It's not just about educating kids--we wouldn't tell them, 'Just don't drink,' and let them wander around in a beer garden. We have to provide a safe environment for them to grow up in."

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